Driving down Lucas’s street was not Esther’s original intention. She had been on the third roundabout heading out of town when the car, almost of its own accord, it felt like, completed the circle instead of going straight on. It was ten o’clock and several lights still blazed in un-curtained windows dotted across the block, a handsome sandy-bricked Georgian conversion with a big white portico of an entrance. Esther double-parked, letting the engine run as she stared up at Lucas’s lounge, evidently lit up too, behind firmly lowered blinds. She had been there a couple of times in the early days, dropping off and picking up various bits, but it felt odd, still, to imagine him in there, living his separate life. Especially now, alone, processing the body blow that Lily had shared.

Esther looked across at her phone, silent on the passenger seat. There was no ‘duty of care’ any more, she reminded herself. There was nothing. Except knowing him. Better than he wanted to be known. Yes, he had grown to hate that. Being seen through, and criticised. But then she hadn’t liked it either. A good marriage took fortitude as well as kindness, she reflected sadly, and maybe, among all their other obvious problems, neither of them had possessed enough of either. Inhaling slowly, she picked up the phone, quickly pressing Lucas’s number and then ending the call when it cut straight to a recorded message.

A little further down the street, there was a large space, easy for pulling into. Gritting her teeth, muttering to herself, Esther drove on and swung into it, getting out and slamming the car door in one swift motion. Having reached the entrance porch, she sent a text.

Am downstairs. Just had dinner with Lily.

She gave it a minute and then pressed the buzzer to the flat once, long and hard. When there was no reply to that either, she gave it a second go before striding back to the car.

She had reached out. Reaching out only worked if the other party reached back. Maybe Lucas imagined she wanted to crow over his disgrace. Maybe he didn’t even know she knew. Esther let out a small screech, slamming her palm against the steering wheel. It didn’t matter. It was none of her business. She turned the engine on, but then snatched her mobile again, texting.

Hope u ok. Remember it will be fish and chips soon. Please talk to Lily.

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