‘But Lucas is so changed,’ Heidi confessed miserably, putting her mug and untouched biscuit down on the hearth. ‘He is not the man I thought I knew…’ She shook her head, unable to go on, and taking a tissue from the box the Chaplain was holding out to her.

‘I cannot – would not presume to – offer you advice, my dear.’ The Chaplain sank back into her own chair. ‘I would say only this. That getting to know someone takes a long time. A lifetime. And at some stage in any close relationship – not always at the same moment – a point is reached where each person stares into the other’s soul… perhaps not always liking what they see…’ Her voice had grown slightly distant, as if she was remembering something from her own past, Heidi decided, finding that it made her listen more intently. ‘But then, as I say, the other person may do the same. And I have no doubt that God would say that love is about being able to accept what you find, forgiving it, being loyal to it… oh, look, you’ve got me going now…’ She leant across to pull a tissue from the box, and spent several seconds trumpeting into it.

‘One of those in-between moments.’ She gasped, balling up the tissue in her hands. ‘I think we’ve just had one. Well, I have anyway. Life pouncing. Follow your instincts, my dear, that is all I can say. Don’t tell your heart off for not feeling as you want it to. Just let it speak. Then you’ll know. And now…’ She clapped her hands and stood up. ‘Having imparted my deepest thoughts, I am afraid I have to boot you out so I can think what on earth I am going to say to my Evensong congregation. And remember, God loves us, whichever way we jump.’

Outside, it was almost dark. Heidi did her fleece up to her chin and adjusted the straps on her backpack as she made her way back across the courtyard. Stepping into the street, she took a deep breath and then set off at a sprint. She would let her heart decide. She would be brave.

38

As the train slowed for the final, ugly hinterland approach to St Pancras station, Esther woke from a doze in a sudden panic that she might need her passport again. Not finding it in her handbag, she rummaged in the holdall, groping round her clothes and washbag, and the novel she hadn’t opened.