A group of students in sports kit, joshing and talking, were approaching down the street. As they passed the front fence, Lucas recognised a third year and quickly turned his face to the house. To have to say hello was beyond him. The city was really starting to come alive now. It was a familiar rhythm, the build-up to the start of each new term, and normally one that Lucas relished. Everything was the same, he realised, close to choking suddenly on a surge of despair, and yet – for him – it was all irrevocably altered.

‘You don’t think I did anything, do you?’ he burst out, in a creaking voice that wasn’t his. ‘I mean, tell me, Ralph, that you know the girl made up every bloody word.’

His friend’s candid gaze met his. ‘I know you did not intend any harm, Lucas. But I also know that not one of us can – at least not any more – discount how our words and actions make other people feel. How each of us behaves has consequences which have to stand up to rigorous analysis. I’m not preaching, it’s just the world we inhabit. A good – probably a better – world. Look here…’ He patted Lucas’s arm. ‘Put it behind you. Enjoy what’s ahead – the many good things. Heidi will be back soon’, he reminded him, with mounting desperation, it sounded like.

‘Yes.’ Lucas swallowed. Every time he thought of having to tell Heidi of the Moira verdict he felt ill. He could picture how her face would fall as the disappointment sank in; the way the light would drain from her beautiful, once adoring eyes.

‘This will all blow over,’ Ralph blundered on. ‘It will take time, but it will. Trust me. And we’ll meet up again soon, okay?’ He gave Lucas’s shoulder another squeeze before retreating into his house.

Lucas pedalled gingerly back towards town. Three o’ clock and the bell towers were chiming. The city lived and was moving inexorably on. Only he felt dead and left behind.

29

Early on Tuesday evening, Esther was mildly astonished to find herself setting off for Cambridge without any of the usual last-minute flurries. A feeble attempt at postponement by Lily that morning had made her all the keener not to back down, especially when it became clear that Matteo would be out.

‘I’ll bring food,’ Esther had said firmly, ‘something veggie and delicious.’