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Back The Sorority Murder Save as PDF
Chapters (61)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
  18. Thirteen
  19. Fourteen
  20. Fifteen
  21. From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
  22. Sixteen
  23. Seventeen
  24. Eighteen
  25. Nineteen
  26. Twenty
  27. Twenty-One
  28. From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
  29. Twenty-Two
  30. Twenty-Three
  31. Twenty-Four
  32. Twenty-Five
  33. Twenty-Six
  34. Twenty-Seven
  35. Twenty-Eight
  36. Twenty-Nine
  37. Thirty
  38. Thirty-One
  39. Thirty-Two
  40. Thirty-Three
  41. Thirty-Four
  42. From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
  43. Thirty-Five
  44. Thirty-Six
  45. Thirty-Seven
  46. Thirty-Eight
  47. From the Journal of Candace Swain
  48. Thirty-Nine
  49. Forty
  50. Forty-One
  51. Forty-Two
  52. Forty-Three
  53. Forty-Four
  54. Forty-Five
  55. Forty-Six
  56. Forty-Seven
  57. Letter Found in the Journal of Candace Swain
  58. Forty-Eight
  59. Acknowledgments
  60. Booklist
  61. Excerpt

I always thought loyalty was the most important thing among friends. Loyalty is why I joined a sorority. It’s what most appealed to me: a sisterhood when I couldn’t be with my real sister. I missed Chrissy. My high-school friends, too, but mostly Chrissy. With the sorority, I could have what felt like family. Friends who had my back. Friends who believed in me like I believed in them.

But what happens when loyalty turns dark? When your sisters demand allegiance even in the face of evil? Because what we did was evil. I didn’t think so at the time... Fuck, who am I lying to? It’s just me with pen and paper. I can’t even write down what we did, I am so ashamed. I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway. Evil... I never thought I was evil. I tell myself I would never do it again, that I am better than that.

But I’m not better if I ignore the past, pretend it wasn’t wrong, pretend that I learned from my mistakes. I have told myself for nearly three years that if I told anyone what really happened, I’d sacrifice my future. For what? No one knew...no one would ever know. It’s a secret we swore to keep. It wasn’t like it was on purpose. It was an accident...

Yet, I made a conscious decision to erase a human being from the face of the earth. That was a choice I made.

The wrong choice.

I can so easily pass blame, and I did for a long time. I blamed everyone else, except me. We panicked. Every one of us.

But there’s only one person to blame for my own silence, and that’s me. If I had stood up then, would I be in so much pain now? I don’t know. Maybe I will always suffer, remembering the choices we made. The choice I made.

Why am I the only one who is having a hard time living with the guilt?

Sixteen

Lucas:

I don’t know where to start.

I’ve been listening to your podcast with both fear and trepidation.

I knew Candace Swain. I was a year ahead of her. We were friends, and I knew that she was wrestling with something very deep and dark. Maybe you’ll expose the truth. I hope you do. But you have to be careful. I fear the truth killed Candace.

I was at Sigma Rho’s spring party that night when Candace and Taylor James were arguing. Only a few people overheard them and would know for sure what they were arguing about. Their fight didn’t last long—maybe five minutes? Ten tops. Then Candace left the party.