Chapters (61)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- From the Missing Journal of Candace Swain
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- From the Journal of Candace Swain
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Letter Found in the Journal of Candace Swain
- Forty-Eight
- Acknowledgments
- Booklist
- Excerpt
“Yes. Rachel insisted that they would all go to jail, she would lose her job, never attain full professor, that even if they got probation, it would cost time and money and they wouldn’t be eligible for certain jobs. Rachel had a way of getting into your head, and she told Kim her life would be over—Kim was dating a ballplayer then, she was making nearly six figures two years out of college, she would lose her job and the condo she’d just bought, and everyone would talk about her. Kim was practical, but she was also vain, and she finally sided with Taylor and Rachel. Candace left. Then she called me.”
“Why did she call you?”
“Because I was there when Adele died.”
Alexa breathed in deeply, let it out, asked Mateo for water. Then, finally, she started to talk. “It was over six years ago. I was a sophomore, Adele was a freshman. The last night of finals, we all went to Rachel’s apartment.”
“Your advisor.”
“She wasn’t our advisor then. It was her first year teaching on her own. She was friends with Kim and a bunch of other girls. She liked to hang out with us.”
“Who was there?”
“Me, Kim, Candace, Taylor, and Adele. And, of course, Rachel.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Were you there or weren’t you?”
“Hey,” Mateo interrupted. “Don’t badger her. This is hard enough.”
She hadn’t thought she was badgering, but Alexa contradicted herself and Regan needed clarity.
“I don’t remember much of anything about that night,” Alexa said. “I’m telling you the truth. We had homemade wine coolers and drank a lot. Then Taylor brought out joints. I remember that much, I wasn’t so drunk I was passing out, but I was definitely intoxicated. Rachel didn’t want anyone smoking in her apartment, so the six of us walked to the preserve next to the country club. It wasn’t far—just on the other side of her complex. It was dark, and there was a steep hill to get up there. We sat down and smoked, and then...I remember absolutely nothing after that. I don’t even remember smoking. I don’t remember how I got back to Rachel’s. I don’t know how long we were out there. I don’t remember anything until I woke up the next morning with the worst hangover in the world. I was so sick. I don’t drink a lot, and so I thought this was normal. I still can’t drink alcohol after that night, I don’t even like the smell.