During the afternoon session, when the Guru described Ram losing his wife, Sita, and spoke about how we all lose those we love and this was a great unifying truth amongst humans, Jaya began to cry. Tears rolled down her face and she tried to discreetly wipe them away with her sleeve. Then, she heard sniffles and muffled cries from those around her and realized she was not alone. The woman sitting next to her, an elderly woman with a small gray bun, reached over and took Jaya’s hand. She felt the strength from the old woman seeping into her, stabilizing her, drilling deep into her core. At the end of the evening lecture, Jaya felt welded to her spot on the floor. She watched a cluster of people surround the Guru as he left the stage.

“Those are the disciples.” The old lady nodded toward the stage. “They travel with Guru and live with him at his ashram in India.” She stood up, tucking her cushion under her arm. “This is your first time, seeing Guru?” she said, and when Jaya nodded in response, she wobbled her head before departing. “Tomorrow, then.”

The next day, Jaya was eager to see if the Guru’s lecture would inspire the same intensity of feeling in her as before and was surprised when it did. By the end of the week, she felt like a different person, who had seen a new, undiscovered land. And she did not feel ready to be done with the Guru. She wanted to follow him to the next city he was visiting, Sacramento. Even if he repeated the same lecture, she knew her understanding would continue to deepen. What would it be like to be one of the Guru’s disciples, in his presence at all times, traveling with him, sharing meals, having private conversations?

Alas, she was not able to follow the Guru to Sacramento next week. Karina had just arrived back from Ecuador, and after spending a week with Keith, she would stay with Jaya before returning to campus. It was striking to think of how little she saw Karina now: two weeks in the summer, two weeks over the winter holiday and a few scattered weekends. After dividing that time with Keith, it amounted to just a couple of weeks each year. It was reassuring, of course, that her daughter was grown and independent, pursuing her own life and dreams. And that left Jaya with more freedom to pursue her own. Although she couldn’t go to Sacramento, she had already checked the Guru’s website to see the rest of his itinerary.

23 | Prem

My family reminds me of the math lessons I had in third grade with Miss Gaither. First, everyone divided: three of them separated into three individual worlds. Now, they’ve each multiplied by two. Each one of them is part of a new pair.

When I was alive, I liked being a pair with Kiki during our after-school time. I liked walking back from school and hanging around home with her, even if we were doing different things. That’s the best part of being a pair, isn’t it? Just being with someone and feeling better that way, even if you’re not doing anything together or speaking. Being part of a silent pair can feel really, really good.