Karina leaned heavily on Izzy in those early days, confiding all the shameful and embarrassing things she’d carried alone for so long, and her friend did not falter. Izzy’s unconditional support enabled her to then share those truths with her parents: what had happened the day Prem died, the cutting that started soon after, the mistakes she continued to make with Henry, with Micah. Karina called Claire and finally explained to her what had happened that night with Henry. “It may have been my fault too. I don’t know. I shouldn’t have drunk so much. I shouldn’t have made myself vulnerable like that.”

“Karina, don’t,” Claire said. “Stop blaming yourself. I didn’t know, I just assumed you knew what you were doing . . . And maybe Henry just assumed too, because I really don’t think he’s that kind of a guy.” Her voice dropped. “He’s a good guy.”

The words cut into Karina with their implication, but the pain was not unfamiliar. She and Claire wept together on the phone, both apologizing for the mistakes they’d made and for the withering of their friendship that had followed.

James came up to visit too, once he heard the news. After the many times Karina had imagined such a scene while they were dating, James finally met her parents over a very normal dinner at their kitchen table. Dad cooked polenta pizza on the grill and Mom made a kale Caesar salad. Afterwards, Karina and James went for a long walk through the neighborhood, where Karina pointed out some of the childhood spots she’d told him about. She didn’t talk much about what had happened at the Sanctuary, but she did divulge how she’d felt after their breakup. “I really trusted you, and you hurt me. Everything just spiraled from there.”

James stopped, turned to her on the sidewalk, took her hands. “I really am sorry, Karina, for being such a jerk.” Yoga Girl hadn’t lasted long, he told her, only a few months. “But what you and I had was real. You were my first love, Karina, and it’s true, I won’t ever forget that.”

Karina remembered all that had been good about James and the time they’d been together. He had made her feel special, beautiful. He had encouraged her to go to Ecuador even when it scared her. Though their relationship ended, James showed her what real love felt like, and she is hopeful she can find it again. Her love with Prem will also have a lasting impact—the way he trusted her unconditionally and believed her to be stronger than she felt. Each love she encounters will change her, she has come to see, shaping the person she will become.

Karina has spent many hours in the past year in therapy, trying to understand what truly happened at the Sanctuary, how she was manipulated into following Micah and his destructive authority. The therapist helped her recognize that the techniques he used on her—love bombing, sensory deprivation, social isolation, breaking her down and building her back up—were all well-known tactics in such groups. She has been working to understand how she was susceptible to Micah and his message, why her life was such a mess even before him. She drew the wrong conclusions from some events in her life, blaming herself for Prem’s death and James’s betrayal. Others, she never spoke about at all, like the night with Henry. But when she looks back now, she sees her strength has always been there, if not always constructive. Sometimes, she has directed that power against herself and it has turned to self-hatred, making her vulnerable to someone like Micah.