‘No.’ Amber plugs her ears again and walks out the door. Her face looks sad and I don’t blame her. She’s been looking forward to going in to meet her favourite boy band who were signing their book today. Their book has been sitting on her bedside locker for the past few weeks in anticipation. More and more she’s being called on to look after Cian and Aaron when she really should be out enjoying herself with her own friends. Tom should not have asked her to mind the boys today after what she heard this morning. I want to hug her, to comfort her, but she’s already traipsing up the stairs to her own space. If I get a chance later on I will try to have a gentle word in her ear. Reassure her that she is the most important person to me and to Tom. Tell her that things will settle down. That this trouble will soon pass. I don’t know if it will, but I’ll tell her anyway.

The suitcase lies open on the floor in front of me. The white envelope sticks out from amidst the bundle of brown ones. My nerves are getting the better of me. If I’m right, Tom was getting post sent to that dead woman’s address. But why? What is in it? Pulling on the envelope I read the address to confirm what I thought. I’m right. 12 Sycamore Gardens. My hand shakes as I pull out the letter inside. It’s the DNA report.

Holding the letter, I read the truth. My eyes fill with water. It’s true, I knew it was true but seeing the words on the page confirming it turns the knife a little deeper into my wound. I’m crying. I want to cry more but I have to keep it together. The kids can’t see me like this. Why did he not just tell me when he found out? We could have dealt with it together, introduced the boy to the family on our own terms. Got to know him, got to like him. Why this mess, Tom?

Folding the report I put it back in the envelope. I’m about to return it to where I found it when I notice the postmark on the envelope. Sixteenth of March, the day before Paddy’s Day, the day before we took the boys to the parade, held them on our shoulders, laughed like a normal family and all the time Tom was keeping this secret. How did he do that? And why did he tell me he only found out two months ago in August? I’m convinced now that Tom had no intention of telling me about Kenny… unless he had to. How will I ever be able to trust him again?

‘Ma, the cops are here again… are you crying?’ Amber sticks her head in the door.