A woman about my own age passes by laughing, making her way to the bar like she hasn’t a care in the world. I have. A wave of fear rushes over me. She looks like the dead woman, the woman who is now lying in a cold room, stitched up, the post mortem leaving its signature, all over her corpse. White faced, waxy skin, she lies there, staring at nothing. Her life taken from her at the hands of someone… someone I know maybe. What if Tom is involved? Don’t go there, Sal, you know he didn’t do it.

A fifteen-minute recess is announced before the judges pick their winner. Time to pee. I make my way to the ladies’ toilets at the back of the hall. My head feels a little woozy but I’m not staggering. At least I think I’m not.

In front of me, a tall skinny girl stands in a multicoloured, glitter-coated, swimsuit and silver tights. She’s practically standing on the tip of her toes the heels are that high. Oh for the carefree days when I would have been that soldier. No pain, no beauty. The only pain I put up with nowadays is the awful pain on the inside. And that’s because I have no choice.

My hand is about to tap the young woman on the arm to tell her I love her look when I sense someone arrive beside me. It’s Megan.

‘Enjoying the night?’

‘Yes, Meg, it’s great.’

She takes her phone out of her pocket reminding me to check mine. We were all told to put our phones on silent when the show started so I better… Shit.

Three missed calls from Tom. What does he want? Something’s wrong. Holding my hand up to stop Megan speaking, I step out of the queue and dial the number.

‘Tom.’

‘Sal, you have to come home.’

‘What’s wrong, Tom? What happened?’

The space around me turns to darkness. My heart stops. Amber is missing.

Chapter Forty-One

Megan holds onto me when I stumble.

‘Sal… Sal.’ Her voice sounds miles away.

‘Sal.’ She pulls me to my feet and takes the phone from my hand. Megan speaks to Tom but I don’t understand what she’s saying, everything is spinning around in front of me.

‘Come on, Sal, I’m taking you home.’

Amber is not answering her phone. ‘Answer the phone, Amber.’ The cops are already at the house when we get there. The front door is open wide. The brightly lit hallway stands like a beacon in the dark night. Where are you, Amber? Megan walks me to the door asking if there is anything she can do. But I tell her to go back to the show, to the girls. It’s probably nothing. Amber will arrive home, I know she will. ‘Just go, Megan, leave.’ I don’t want her here.