Within the hour everyone is up and eating breakfast somewhere in the house. Amber took her bowl of muesli to her room, Cian is sitting with Tom at the table and I’m putting a bowl of Cheerios into the middle of Tidmouth the fictional town where Aaron currently believes he is living with Thomas and his friends.

I won’t get a chance to talk to Tom with the kids around so I’ll have to ring him on my way to work or maybe arrange to meet him for lunch where we might be able to have a civil conversation about Saoirse, the social worker who is trying to break into my world. Maybe I should throw a tantrum like Aaron used to. Maybe I’ll get used to it like Aaron did.

‘I can’t,’ he says, fixing his tie in the hall mirror. ‘It’s Friday, I always go to the Mayor Inn with the lads for lunch.’

‘Do you not think this is more important, Tom?’

‘I do, Sal, I think it’s a lot more important. But Graham Scholtz is joining us for lunch today and he’s the one who hands out the leads. You know I need some good leads, Sal, especially now.’

What does he mean by ‘especially now’? Kenny? Is he suggesting he didn’t need them before all this? What about when you lost all my money, Tom? I decide not to get into a row with him at this hour of the morning and not in front of the boys.

‘Tonight then, as soon as the boys are asleep.’

‘Grand, do you want me to pick up some wine?’

‘We’re not having a party, Tom.’

Amber comes down the stairs putting an end to our conversation.

‘Who’s taking me today?’ she asks, checking herself in the mirror.

‘Your mother,’ Tom says. ‘I’m taking the boys to the crèche.’

The words send a shiver down my spine. ‘Your mother.’ In one second I imagine the horror of our family broken up. Every chore being divided out. Your mother will be… Your father is… Mom and Dad no longer words we use to refer to one another. For some reason I feel the need to hug everyone; a family hug, but we never do that and it would just feel weird. Instead I go to Amber and pull her hair out from inside the jacket she’s putting on. ‘I love you.’

Amber leans in and hugs me. ‘Love you too, Mom.’

Tom turns and looks at me. Is he waiting? What will I do? Amber stills, her eyes flicking from me to Tom, last night’s row eliciting her interest. I have to hug him now.

Getting into the car Amber says hello to Rena next door who’s coming out of her house with her little boy Owen.

‘What time do you need me to call in tonight?’

‘Seven o’clock?’