For a moment, he looks so stunned by the accusation that it makes me question my sanity. If I’m being honest, I hate that I'm even pursuing this. That I need an answer from him. But I do.

"Miriam told you I was talking to... who, exactly?" he asks.

I roll my eyes and look away. "Who do you think, Judge? Your favorite courtesan."

He snorts, and it pisses me off. I move to leave, but he grabs me, dragging me back onto the bed and forcing me to look at him. Our eyes lock, and the amusement slowly slips away from his.

"There is no courtesan keeping me company at night," he says softly. "You keep me more than occupied for that. But what just happened between us? I need you to understand that won't happen again. Those intimacies are for your future husband. I shouldn't have crossed that line with you."

His words leave a sour taste in my mouth, and when I swallow down the emotions I want to hide, I hope he can't see them. I know he’s lying. He has to be lying because, on some level, he feels what I feel. That’s the only explanation for this dysfunctional attraction between us. As much as he pretends to be okay with the idea that I’ll marry someone else eventually, I can’t accept that it’s true. And part of me feels like he keeps throwing it in my face as a way to keep me at a distance.

He touches my face as if he's trying to soften the blow. "Don't retreat back into yourself. I need to know you're not going to do that again."

I blink away the stinging pain behind my eyes and shake my head. Again, I want to ask him why he cares, but I know it doesn't matter. Judge can’t even be honest with himself in this situation, so he’s certainly not going to be honest with me.

"I wasn't trying to hurt myself," I whisper. At least I don't think I was. Admittedly, what I did was reckless, but it wasn't like I was really trying to kill myself. "And I would never, ever want to hurt one of your horses. I’ve seen what a bad jump can do to a horse. I wouldn’t do that. It wasn't even my intent. I just wanted to see how fast he would go. I needed... something. But the terrain was unfamiliar, and I could hardly see in the rain. When you came out of nowhere, I didn’t want you to catch me. I didn't even realize what was happening until you jumped on to stop us."