I feel the pain of that verbal blow, and I have to press my fingers to my lips to stop myself from telling him that’s not true. This is what addicts are supposed to do, right? Cut off their drug of choice cold turkey? I understand now why it’s so hard. I want him. I crave him. At times, I feel like I might die without him. In his warmth, nothing can touch me. Everything is okay for those fleeting moments. But then I remember the pain when he leaves me cold. And I know in my soul, for the sake of my heart, this is what I have to do.

“I know you’re angry with me, Santiago,” Judge continues. “But we want the same things for her. I want her to be safe. I want her to be happy.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“I set up an account for her.” He shuffles around, reaching for something before I hear him hand it to Santiago. “This is for her to take care of anything she needs. She and the babies.”

“You can’t buy yourself out of this,” Santi growls.

“That’s not what this is.”

“Then what is it? Why the hell are you here, Judge?” my brother demands. “To torment her? Haven’t you done enough?”

I close my eyes, wishing this would end. I don’t want them to come to blows again. I can’t deal with that. Not now.

“Judge.” Solana joins my brother at the door, glancing around his shoulder while she secretly squeezes my hand in hers. “Just go home, okay? Tonight isn’t the night to do this.”

Her voice holds an unexpected amount of sympathy, and I can only imagine Judge must look a wreck if that’s the case. Solana seems to be conveying something to him, and I wonder just how much he’s tried to talk to her.

There’s another quiet sigh from the outside, and then the sound of his retreating footsteps. I should be relieved when Santi closes the door and hands me the paper Judge gave him, but when I stare down at the account information, it burns. Right along with Santi’s words. You can’t buy yourself out of this.

I wish I knew if that’s what he was trying to do.

15

Mercedes

The next few days pass in a weird blur of dissociation. Solana and Georgie stay true to their word, sleeping over at my place while the guards outside keep watch. There are four of them now, just as Santi promised. And when I’m not at home, I spend my days at Solana’s shop hanging out with her and Madame Dubois while Georgie often joins us for lunch.