Her eyes brighten, and I can practically see the wheels turning in her mind as she speaks. “Okay, we have a lot to do. Names. First, we need some books for those. And then baby shower planning. Oh my god, nursery themes…” Her voice trails off as she shakes her head as if to stop herself. “You get some rest. I’ll be back with books. And a notepad. Oh, and desserts!”

And just like that, she whirls from the room, leaving me there with a strange new warmth in my chest. It isn’t quite happiness, but I think it’s something I need more right now. I think it’s relief.

The following week passes in a blur with Ivy keeping me busy. Every morning, she comes to my room with sweet Elena, allowing me to hold her and love on her while she makes plans for an upcoming baby shower… date unknown.

Neither one of us has mentioned the small hurdle that I have yet to talk to my brother, but we both know it’s coming. Every day, I’m getting stronger. I’m feeling more like myself again, only a different version. My chest still aches every time I think of Judge, so I try not to think about him, although it’s impossible to do at times.

At night, I talk to Georgie and Solana on the phone, and they are both just as excited as Ivy to help me prepare for the arrival of my babies. They’ve asked when they can visit me, but I tell them I’m not sure yet. And when I indulged my masochistic side by asking how Judge was when they saw him, I was met with a lingering silence on the line before Solana told me he looked like hell. She then proceeded to tell me she was firmly team Mercedes, as if that was a thing, and he probably deserved it. But even as she said it, I could hear the slight, unwanted pang of sympathy in her voice. I told her there didn’t need to be sides on this one, and admitted that no matter what, I will always love Judge.

Those words still ring true, as hard as it may be to say them out loud. Solana didn’t seem all that shocked by the confession, and with some reluctance, she agreed to bring him some more balm from her shop for his scars.

With that settled, I spend my time focusing on the more immediate future and the biggest hurdle I have yet to overcome. I know it’s not going to be an easy task, but I’ve been preparing all week, and this morning, I asked Ivy to make the request.

I’m waiting anxiously in my room when she finally comes to meet me, and I can tell by the set of her shoulders that she’s just as nervous as I am.

“He’s ready for you.”