If I believed in hope, this might have given me some. Because if Santi can fall for his enemy, then surely, Judge can fall for someone he admits he can’t let go of. But I can’t go down that path again. Not now. Maybe not ever. Judge has proven over and over again that the only thing he’s capable of is breaking hearts. Regardless, what he wants doesn’t matter now. It can’t. Not with the decision I made when I failed to swallow what he thought was a mistake.

“Please let me know,” I whisper into the phone. “I really do want to come see her.”

“I’ll let you know,” Santi answers, distracted by his current situation. “I have to go.”

“Okay, I’ll speak to you soon then?”

“Yeah,” he says, and before I can draw another breath, he disconnects the call.

I sit on the bed, staring at the wall. Judge is gone, God knows where, but that would require him sharing his life with me. Since our spat, he’s been wavering between putting distance between us and then acting as if nothing ever happened when he comes to lie beside me at night. Sometimes, his determination wins, and other times, it fails him. When he reaches out to touch me on those nights it fails, I let him. I let him because as much as it hurts, I want it. I know I won’t be able to have it forever, so I take it while I can. I take it before our time is up indefinitely, and he’ll never want to touch me again.

“Mercedes.” Lois knocks on my door, drawing my attention to her. “Solana is here. Would you like me to send her up?”

“Oh, yes, thank you. That would be perfect.”

She nods and retreats, and I use the few moments I have to check my makeup and try to cover up the dark circles beneath my eyes with some powder. But it doesn’t work, and that much is obvious as soon as Solana enters and sees me.

“You look tired.” She frowns.

“That’s because I am.” I laugh hollowly. “I hear that’s a side effect of a tiny life force growing inside you.”

She walks over and gives me a tight squeeze before pulling her messenger bag off her shoulder and setting it on the bed.

“Well, I brought what you needed.” She hands me the pregnancy test and then retrieves a bottle with her shop label on it. “And these aren’t really calming tablets. I just put the label over some prenatal vitamins.”

“You think of everything.” I offer her a watery smile.

“I know.” She returns my smile, but her concern is evident. “Are you okay?”

“I will be,” I answer. “It’s just… a lot.”