She glances at the nearly untouched tray on the table. She brought my dinner in a few hours ago. Although I’m not hungry I forced down a little food.

“You need to eat a full meal and get some rest. You can’t keep going like this. I can spend the night with her.”

“I’m fine.”

She watches me and I know what she’s thinking. Is it safe for me to be around Mercedes? What if I grab her like I did Lois? I’ve been reliving that night just like Mercedes is every time I close my eyes and given the exhaustion, I am not myself.

“I won’t hurt her,” I tell Lois in a voice I don’t recognize.

“I know you won’t,” she says after too long.

Jesus. God. Is it better if I’m away from her?

Mercedes moans then. Says my name. It’s the first time she’s called for me since she’s been in here.

Lois and I both look at her and something blooms in my chest at the sound. Because she’s turning her face into the pillow where I usually lie beside her. Is she searching for me?

“You won’t hurt her,” Lois reassures me, a hand on my arm. “Go to her. She needs you.”

Mercedes sleeps a little better when I’m beside her. It’s some comfort to me, that knowledge. When the battle inside her mind begins, I draw her to me, hold her against my chest. She fights at first, opening the scratches that barely have time to scab over from the previous night. I don’t restrain her, but I do hold on to her. And then she settles and sleeps. Sometimes she cries. Just quiet, hopeless sobs. Those episodes don’t last long, thank goodness. I don’t think I could bear them if they did. Through it all, I just hold her.

I push my hand through my hair and scrub my face. Lois is right. I need to sleep. Tomorrow during the day. Right now, Mercedes is my priority.

“Go get some rest, Lois.”

She nods. She’s tired too. “You come get me if she needs me.” Lois has moved into a guest room a few doors down. She lives in a cottage on the property but since the incident, she moved herself into the main house to be available at all hours.

“Judge,” comes Mercedes’s hoarse voice again. Lois disappears and I go to her.

“I’m here.”

I meant what I said. I will watch over her. Always.

She exhales, settles into sleep once she hears me.