I had never felt a strong urge to have a baby. The urge for me was to be a surrogate for Amelia and Fritz. The intimacy of that act. The importance. Very soon after the baby’s arrival, Amelia would return to working long hours. I could bond with the baby. I could potentially have a stronger bond with the child than Amelia would. And perhaps even more critical, my presence would be forever integrated into the Straubs’ lives.

It wasn’t the right time to introduce the subject to Amelia. I didn’t want to appear to be invested in any particular outcome. Amelia covered her face and wept, her body caving in. Something about her crumpled form made me know that I wouldn’t be able to repair the rift today. I needed to come at it from another angle.

“You all should get some rest.” I put my arms around Natalie and kissed her. Leaving the house took tremendous willpower. I told my legs to walk and they didn’t. An undefinable magnetic force held me in place.

Fritz moved toward the door, expecting me to follow. I forced my feet to lift and step in that direction.

“Call me if you need anything,” I said to Fritz. I wanted to touch him. I wanted him to know how much I cared about him and his well-being.

“Thanks, Delta.” He leaned forward, as if he might embrace me, but then thought better of it and stepped back.

That night, I had a recurring dream. I was running toward a baby, and then I became the baby that I was running toward. Someone’s arms were wrapped around my body. I felt encompassed by warmth and love. I belonged to someone.

CHAPTER TEN

I woke up early with Lucia’s face etched in my mind. I pulled up the photos of her and clicked through all of them until I landed on the one. She was the Madonna. She was an Angel. A Child.

The photo needed more sex if it were to achieve its intended result. Making a pregnant woman look sexy is a subtle art. If I made any alterations, they would have to be indiscernible so that Lucia wouldn’t catch them. After some careful scrutiny, I developed a game plan: I darkened the shadows around her breasts. I took a sliver off her waist to make it slightly smaller than it actually was. I moved her hand so that it was closer to her crotch. I layered beads of moisture on her face. And I parted her lips a little bit. When Lucia’s boyfriend saw the photo, he would see a woman who was sexually aroused, notwithstanding her angelic innocence. He would imagine fucking her again. At the same time, he would see the mother of his child. And he would see his unborn child inside her. It would be difficult to resist all of that. Maybe impossible.