When my work was finished, I emailed Lucia the photo. Lucia, I had to send you this. Don’t forget what we discussed.

For the remainder of the day, I checked my email constantly. It was close to midnight when she wrote back. Wow. Thanks, Delta.

I felt certain she would send her boyfriend the photo. I had extreme confidence in my work. I knew how he would react to the picture of Lucia. He would want to claim her and her baby as his property. Right away, before someone else did.

The Straubs and I had established a routine; they assumed I would babysit Natalie every Friday. But given the nature of our last exchange, I could no longer take the routine for granted. I texted Amelia on Friday morning. She didn’t respond.

I tried to distract myself with errands and activities that day.

Friday evening I returned home and gave Eliza her dinner, and afterward we sat together on the sofa for several minutes, at which time I stroked the soft fur on her back and told her about my day. If she had been able to speak, she would have asked me not to leave her for so many hours. She would have asked me to bring her along next time. She would have told me that loneliness made her want to end her life—that the walls of the apartment we shared were inching imperceptibly toward each other, so that she feared she would one day be crushed.

I took a glass of wine to my office and spent two hours online researching adoption in New York State. I learned that a birth mother can decide whether an adoption is “open,” and if she stipulates, she can see the child as often as she chooses to. That kind of ongoing connection to Lucia would be an albatross around Amelia’s neck, especially if Lucia were struggling financially. The Straubs might find themselves coerced into supporting Lucia’s whole family.

I also researched surrogacy laws. From a conversation with Amelia, I’d already gathered that paid surrogacy wasn’t legal in New York. I’d have a significant advantage as an “altruistic surrogate,” if the Straubs were to go that route. A whole layer of logistical complication could be eliminated, though they wouldn’t have an enforceable contract. In New York, a woman who gives birth is presumed to be the legal mother at birth and she has preferred parental status. If I were the surrogate, they would have to trust me.