I scrolled through more pictures until I reached the end of the party, when everyone was singing “Happy Birthday” to Natalie. Amelia was kneeling by her daughter, looking up at her with pride. I replaced that image of Amelia with one of myself. Now it was me looking up at Natalie as she blew out the candles on her cake.

Finally I landed on the one I’d been thinking about all night. Amelia and Fritz were sharing a piece of birthday cake. Amelia was holding out her fork so Fritz could have a bite, and he was leaning toward her with his mouth around the fork. I replaced Fritz’s image with my own. I was eating cake off Amelia’s fork, chocolate frosting around the outside of my mouth. We were laughing at a private joke. We were intimates. I contemplated the picture, and optimism bubbled up in me.

It was fascinating to me that an image of a relationship accomplished much of what I was looking for, so that the relationship itself wasn’t altogether necessary. The efficiency of this pleased me.

I printed the picture of Fritz kissing me, and the one of Amelia feeding me cake. I placed each 8 x 10 in one of my large supply of clear acrylic frames and hung them side by side in the alcove next to the photo of Jasper and me.

It was already two in the morning, and I had a lot of work the following day. I labeled one folder Straub Family and one folder Straub, Alternates, the latter being photoshopped images for my personal use. Then, I closed down my computer, knowing that I could return to the project as often as I needed to, as an ongoing source of comfort.

The following morning I received a text from Amelia: Natalie adores you. You made such an impression!

When I saw the text, I realized that I’d almost been holding my breath. Had I not received her note, I might have attempted to reestablish contact myself.

I wrote back. Natalie’s a special girl. I’d love to babysit anytime.

Do you mean it?? How about Friday?

They wanted me to return. They wanted my involvement in their family. I had proof of that now. Oddly, I dreaded Friday as much as I longed for it. I dreaded the moment when I would no longer have the evening to look forward to, because I already knew how deflated I would feel when it was over.