Finished with Jasper’s folder, I uploaded the photos from Natalie’s party. As I scrolled through them, I could feel the tension in my shoulders dissipate. The photos of the Straubs provided me with terrific comfort. I clicked through several of Natalie and her friends and several of Natalie alone. Then I landed on one of Fritz, leaning against the library wall, laughing, his intense green eyes looking straight into the camera. It was his kindness and intelligence that made him handsome. I’d sensed those qualities in him the instant we met. I felt a tug of longing in my gut—some combination of emptiness and desire.

I pulled up some shots of myself that I’d used for my website and superimposed my body, in profile, next to an image of Fritz in profile. I moved his face close to mine, so it looked as though we were confiding in each other, in a close conversation that others couldn’t hear. And then, practically feeling his breath on my face, I closed the gap between the two mouths. His warm lips pressed against mine. Then his fingers were in my hair. A frisson of surprised delight surged through my body.

My first attempt wasn’t perfect. Fritz’s lips and mine were puckered in an awkward and artificial way. In my second attempt, I altered the shape of Fritz’s mouth in profile and the muscles around it. I brought his arm up so that his hand was caressing my face. It was an arresting photograph. I hadn’t kissed a handsome man for a few months, but the photo was almost as good as the real thing. It lifted me up. Previously, I hadn’t taken my photos in quite so personal a direction. Perhaps some ill-defined scruples had held me back. Or perhaps Fritz elicited a feeling in me I wasn’t able to ignore.

I imagined Amelia’s reaction if she were to see this picture. She would roll her eyes in an amused manner. I would laugh and say, “So ridiculous, right?”

Returning to the folder of Natalie’s birthday, I clicked through the photos until I landed on one of Amelia embracing the mother of one of Natalie’s friends. It was clear from the nature of the embrace that the women were peers and that their relationship was one of mutual respect. I replaced that woman with a photo of myself. The woman’s stance was a challenging one to replicate, because I didn’t have a photo of myself from the same angle. After several failed attempts, I combined my face with the other woman’s body. The final product was barely satisfactory.