Kira blinked at me, astonished. “What are you implying?”

“I—” I wasn’t exactly sure, so nothing came out.

“My casting decisions have never been anything but fair,” Kira said in a clipped voice. She gestured to me. “You need to work on your entrechats, and Chinese Tea helps you do that.” She turned to Colleen. “Arabian Coffee lets you work on softening your arms, keeping them graceful instead of athletic. My job is to train you to enter the most competitive programs and companies in the world. That’s why you have these roles. How dare you imply anything different.”

My heart beat in my ears as I started to sweat from shame and embarrassment. I hadn’t meant to accuse her of anything. It had just felt so unfair. But Kira was right—she was training us to be professional ballet dancers. She’d done so much for us. Taught every class since I was seven, never missing a day. She’d even driven me home after class once when Dad’s car got a flat. During the ride, she’d told me stories about performing Firebird when she was eighteen, and how she was so nervous she fell flat on her face during her big entrance.

“I’m sorry,” I said, hardly above a whisper, tears clouding my eyes.

Kira nodded perfunctorily and slipped into her coat. “Don’t get emotional, dear. Remember, ballerinas do what they’re told and they make it beautiful. You two want to be ballerinas, yes?” I nodded quickly and blinked away the tears, ashamed of them on top of everything else. Of course I wanted to be a ballerina. I needed to be. “Yes,” Colleen said beside me.

“Then you accept the role you’re given.” Kira lifted her chin as she buttoned her coat. “The Nutcracker is a grand ballet tradition. You get to be part of it, in roles the audience adores you in. You should be grateful.” I stood up straighter, mirroring her posture. She was right. I was part of a ballet tradition. I made two resolutions right then: I would make Chinese Tea beautiful and I would never question my role again.

I hadn’t thought about that day much since. It was like Colleen and I made a silent agreement to never bring it up. And then the miracle happened and Kira let us dance the leads, and it felt like proof that she really did believe in us, proof that the whole awful conversation on casting day was gone, erased.

But now I couldn’t stop thinking about Kira’s words on casting day. Uncomfortable questions wormed their way into my brain, and I pressed Pause on Giselle.