“Except I did the opposite,” Jude said, raising his voice. “When he asked me how lacrosse and soccer were going, I told him they were great. Spectacular. Made stuff up about my season stats. Didn’t mention the musical at all. It was pathetic. When we were leaving, he slapped me on the back the way he used to and said he was glad I was doing so well.”

Jude shook his head in disgust. “I didn’t tell my mom or Ethan or anyone that I went. They all think I blew him off, and I was too embarrassed to tell them I didn’t. I’m such a coward. God, and I went around giving you all that stupid advice. ‘Here’s the two things you should do when you’re sad. Sadness is like a puppy,’” he said in a mocking voice. “I’m worse than a coward, I’m an impostor.”

“You’re not an impostor,” I said forcefully. He was one of the most genuine people I’d ever met. True, it was hard to reconcile the Jude I knew with the one who had lied about himself to his dad. But one lunch didn’t change that. “Things get complicated when you lose something that was important to you, remember?” I said, repeating what he’d said to me at the rink. I wasn’t ready to hear it then, but maybe he was now. “You do and think things you never thought you could. But it doesn’t make you a coward or an impostor. It just means you’re in a complicated situation.”

“It shouldn’t be that complicated. Not after two and a half years.”

I let out a frustrated breath. “I don’t get it. You’re, like, the least judgmental person in the world. Seriously, since I met you, you’ve been almost ridiculously understanding. You reassured me that I wasn’t a horrible person when I felt like one. You forgave me when I was rude to you. You cut me so much slack, gave me so much room to mess up. Why aren’t you giving that to yourself?”

He paused, eyebrows wrinkled. “I don’t know.”

“And the stuff you said,” I went on. “The puppy metaphor, all of it? It really helped me. It wasn’t stupid advice.”

He looked at me, gauging whether I was telling the truth. I stared back, trying to communicate what he’d given me over the past few months, what he meant to me. But again, he looked away too soon. “I’m glad it helped,” he said quietly. “I really am. But the bottom line is, if I’m not okay enough with who I am to be myself around him, then I’m not okay to be with yo—” He stopped. “To be in a relationship with anyone. But I hope… I hope we can still be friends.”