“I don’t know if I deserve your understanding right now,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “But I’m really glad you’re giving it to me because I’ve missed the hell out of you.”

The corner of Colleen’s mouth lifted. “Yeah, you said that in the letter. Like seventeen times.”

I smiled and cringed at the same time. “Did I sound deranged?”

“Nah, you just sounded sorry. And okay, maybe a little deranged.”

I laughed.

“And I missed you, too, dummy.”

Then we were both laughing. And after I carefully merged onto the interstate, we started talking nonstop. We caught each other up on everything. She told me about Giselle rehearsals and her brother’s first date and Ferdinand’s obsession with the potted ficus on her new neighbor’s front steps.

“It’s awkward because they have a son who’s our age, and he’s really cute, and he’s on the porch reading all the time.”

“Do you guys talk?”

“Moderately. I’m usually too busy trying to make sure Ferd isn’t peeing on the ficus. But he’s really sweet about it.”

“What’s his name?” I asked.

Colleen cleared her throat. “Don’t laugh.”

“Oh my God.”

“Swanson Vandervort.” I was silent for a full five seconds before bursting into obnoxious laughter.

“It’s dignified!” Colleen yelled over me. It was a while before I could stop. Leave it to Colleen to have a crush on a Swanson Vandervort.

“Colleen Vandervort has a nice ring to it,” I said, blinking the tears out of my eyes.

“You know I’m never changing my name,” she said. “I’m Colleen Alexander now and forever. So anyway, what’s going on with you?”

I sighed, reluctant to bring down our happy vibe. But Colleen prodded, so I told her everything from the musical audition to the ice rink to the last awful couple of weeks—where I sat apart from Margot in homeroom and study hall, avoided eye contact with Ethan in English, and dodged Jude altogether.

And kept skipping rehearsal. I’d missed six over the last two weeks and had gotten a chilly voice mail from Mrs. Sorenson the day before, saying she regretted to inform me that she’d have to make “other arrangements” for my part. I felt like crying every time I thought about it.

“I just wish it could all go back to how it was before,” I said. Talking about it made me miss Margot, Ethan, Jude, and the musical even more.

“Can’t it?” Colleen said. “I don’t know about the musical, but can’t you make up with Margot and Ethan? And make out with Jude again?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I… don’t think it’s that simple.”

“Why?”