I reopen the first on my list, a LinkedIn profile of a middle-aged executive of a software firm in the canton of Zurich. A thrill seeps into me as my fingers start to compose a message, but then they stop in their tracks when I think of Dad. Don’t do this Jess, you don’t know where it could lead. I push his voice aside, hearing Maggie instead. Darling girl, what about you? Don’t think, just do it.

I start to type, hoping he speaks enough English to understand.

I’m sorry to contact you out of the blue, but I’m looking for a man named Daniel Buchs who I believe is the brother of the late Evelyne Buchs, an acquaintance of my mother’s. It’s regarding my own personal situation…

I pause. Maybe it’s best not to say too much right now. It probably won’t be him. And I don’t want to tell every Daniel Buchs in the country about my sorry life.

If you are this Daniel Buchs, I would love to have the chance to ask you a few questions about your sister’s time in Lausanne in 1976, as I believe it may shed some light on circumstances within my own personal life. I would be very grateful if you could message me back…

I read it over. It’s strange, seeing the words glowing from the screen. During the past two years I’ve achieved so little in my search. I’ve floundered, not knowing what to do or where to go for help after the hospital came up with nothing but dead ends. Unsure, even, if I wanted to pursue it. And now I’m sitting here doing something active, something that could lead me to them.

I remember how Dad and I left things, the day I went to his house to tell him I’d got the job over here, after I’d convinced myself – with Maggie’s encouragement – to do something proactive instead of ‘wallowing in misery’, as Patrick had so kindly put it before he moved out.

‘I don’t see why you can’t just carry on as before,’ Dad had said. ‘Let’s just forget those stupid tests and put it behind us.’ He’d been making tea in the kitchen and didn’t even look at me.

‘I don’t think I can, Dad.’

‘If you go out there, you might not like what you find, it might just upset you further. Please just leave it, Jess. You’re still the person your mother and I brought you up to be. You’re still you.’

When he finally looked up, the pain on his face was so raw that I nearly gave in to the guilt. But I couldn’t let myself. Everything had fallen apart, and I didn’t know how to put it back together again until I had the answer to the question that hung over me.