I think that’s the end of the conversation until he says, ‘It’s hard for her, you know. Julia didn’t have the best childhood herself.’

‘No?’ I assumed Julia had been born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

Michel shakes his head. ‘She wasn’t from a well-off family. They struggled.’

I look at him, will him to carry on. Julia’s family. The Meiers.

‘Julia’s mother had her very young and then her father left, so Julia was pretty much brought up by her grandparents. There was never much money to go around. Julia works so hard because she doesn’t want to be like her mother.’

I nod, trying not to let shock take over my features. Could that have been my background? Would that upbringing have given me the drive to achieve what Julia clearly has? Sometimes I think I rebelled against Mum’s ambition; I chose a safe, secure profession because she didn’t. Or maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be a trailblazer. Maybe I would have sunk without the safety net of my parents – unlike Julia.

I think of this house. The posh designer sofa, the fridge with its fancy ice-making facility. The giant television and the iMac. The million-franc view of the lake. I thought Julia was all this, through and through. But instead she hasn’t had it all on a plate. She’s worked, fought, risen up. I feel something curl up into a hard fist inside me. She’s even more damn perfect than I thought.

‘Gosh,’ I say, because Michel’s looking at me, clearly expecting some kind of response. My throat is dry and it comes out as a croak. I badly need a glass of water. ‘Well, good on her.’ I nod to the house. ‘You guys have done well.’

He smiles. ‘Merci,’ he says. ‘We wouldn’t swap it for anything.’

Léa calls out to her father and I use the interruption to get up and go into the house. My stomach is churning and I walk to the toilet, feeling bile rise up my throat.

I can’t do this anymore. I need to get rid of all the toxic feelings inside me. I need to stop being jealous and insecure and confused and guilty and in the dark about my entire existence. I need to hear from Daniel.

I need to finally know who I am.