“I—what?”

“Connie O’Reilly. She knew you were gay, didn’t she? She figured out you liked her. So why didn’t she bully you about it? Why didn’t she slag and tease you? Literally anyone else would have.”

“Why would she do that? You know that Connie’s not a bully. She’s not homophobic. Like, she told girls on her team to back off when they slagged you—”

“Yeah, because she didn’t want her team to get in trouble. I heard her, Alex. In the locker room. I heard the two of you talking.” I tried to keep my face straight even as my stomach plummeted. “It doesn’t make sense to me, if she’s not homophobic—why didn’t she want to be your friend anymore when she found out? You say she’s not homophobic, then why did she kick you out? Tell me the truth, Alex. It’s obvious O’Reilly’s been protecting you, making sure nobody gave you shit. Why would she do that?”

“Connie hasn’t been protecting me.”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course she has! She asked you in the lockers if anyone’s been giving you shit. She’s the most popular girl in the school, it’s so fucking obvious she’s made sure nobody hurt you over this. A couple of girls gave you trouble at the start—hockey players, weren’t they? Have they given you any trouble since?”

“Well…no. They haven’t.”

I remembered, vaguely, overhearing a conversation between Orla and Molly one afternoon by the lockers. They had ceased their whispering as soon as I attempted to join in but had still managed to catch a general drift of what they were saying. Something about a hockey practice gone awry and a livid and protective Connie O’Reilly. I hadn’t given it much thought at the time but Julia’s words triggered my memory. If I had something to do with it…If she had been protecting me, watching out for me—if she still cared about me—what would that mean? I felt my stomach clench at the thought. Was that some weak glimmer of hope—a deflated lifebuoy tossed in my direction? There was once a time when something so feeble might have tasted like Holy Mana to me. If it was true—if she really had stuck her neck on the line to make sure nobody hurt me…

Subconsciously I found my fingers reaching for the chain dangling around my neck. I did not realize that my face had changed. Julia looked at me closely and for a moment her breath stopped. Then she frowned, eyebrows creasing together. And then something clicked in Julia’s mind. Her eyes narrowed and her lips parted, and her whole body seemed to stiffen.

Her voice was a little softer when she spoke, but there was no geniality in her tone. “You told me—you told me nothing ever happened with her.”

“I…I never actually said that. You said it. You, um—you figured she cut me out because I was gay.”

“And you didn’t deny it. Christ, Alex—did you kiss her?” Her eyes widened. “Did you sleep with her?”