She sighed and leaned back on her hands. “I imagine I’ll go to Trinity, I guess. God only knows what I’ll study.”

“You’ve really got no ideas?”

Her lips pursed. “I’m afraid you’ll laugh at me.”

“God, tell me you’re not planning on being a historian, are you?”

“If I could be anything at all…I think I’d like to do something with people. Helping people, I mean. Like, as a social worker, or whatever. It was an idea I had a while ago but it’s…I dunno. My parents obviously have a very clear idea of what they expect for me but I don’t think…I don’t know if I can do it.”

“And what do your parents want?”

“You already know what they want. What they expect. Emily got into fucking Law. It’s weird, you know. All I wanted when I was younger was to grow up. I wanted my mam to take me seriously, I wanted Dad to, I dunno, notice me, or something. I just wanted to grow up. And now, it’s like I’m realizing growing up isn’t what I thought it’d be. They’re still gonna have so much control, so much influence.”

“Well, you’d like to be a social worker of some kind, right? If you could do anything after school, parents aside, what would it be?”

She paused before answering. “I think I’d follow you.”

I blinked in surprise, opening my mouth to respond at the same as Molly called out Connie’s name from behind. We both turned around and she waved us over. “Oi, lovebirds. Are you two planning on just sitting around the whole time? Come on, get in the water!”

“You should go,” I told her.

If her use of the term lovebirds bothered her, she hid it well. “You sure? You don’t wanna join?”

“Of course I am. Go on, jump.” I peered over the edge. “Yeah, I think I’m alright up here with my feet solidly on the ground, thanks.”

Connie huffed but stood up nonetheless and jogged toward the board before diving off in an effortlessly perfect arch. The rest of the group cheered for her and even from above I could see the way she reveled in their approval, splashing around in the water below. She tossed her hair over her shoulder, let Jim pick her up and toss her into the sea. She looked so carefree in the water, more at ease than she normally allowed herself to be in public. And I sat on the edge of the cliff and shoved aside the thoughts that were flooding in. I willed my mind to close the door we just opened—thoughts of the future and of college and of career paths and marriage. I willed myself to live in the moment and appreciate what I had now—before it became too late.

Chapter 12

April 1995

The last thing I really wanted on any given afternoon when I was comfortably draped across Connie’s naked body listening to her read aloud was to be reminded that earlier in the week we had agreed to go for a drink with our friends. I swore loudly, my head falling back, before she nudged me perhaps a little too forcefully in the ribs.