The last thing I wanted was to attend a party. I would have been quite happy to finish the Leaving Cert, bid Orla and Molly goodbye, and slip away without seeing a single one of my classmates ever again. But it was Orla’s birthday. I knew that to bail on her would be to break her heart. So, I promised I’d go for an hour at most, and leave before things got out of hand. I could make small talk with someone else who didn’t fit in and then head home as soon as it was polite to do so. And when I got home, I could lie down and finally breathe—finally allow myself to contemplate what exactly I had done to Julia and how exactly I could fix it. In my mind, my plan made perfect sense.

I arrived at nine, an hour after the party began. Most parties didn’t really start until at least two hours after the designated beginning time but to my horror, Orla’s party was already verging on a train wreck by the time I showed up. Much like her sixteenth birthday, before I knew her, someone broke into her parent’s alcohol cabinet and hell was set loose upon her house. It was the last day of school. I knew most of these people, childhood friends and classmates, might very well never see each other again after this summer, and they planned to make the most of every night together. I found Orla easily in the kitchen pouring drinks, and when she saw me, she squealed.

“I didn’t think you’d come!”

“Well, I promised I would.” My gaze flickered toward the two boys mock wrestling on her kitchen floor. “It, um—it’s a bit fucked in here.”

Orla grinned at me, her eyes sloppy and drooping. “Class, isn’t it? Here—” She thrust a cup into my hands—”One last bender before you piss off forever.”

“I’ll be back at some point, you twat. And I thought you were gonna book flights to visit in July?”

“Obviously. But this is the last big school bender!”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m gonna have a walk around. I’ll see you in a bit?”

I headed into the living room and took in the carnage around me. Most of the faces present were at least moderately recognizable but there were plenty I didn’t know at all. Boys from Belvedere, girls from Holy Faith. I made awkward conversation with a few girls who didn’t despise me and greeted some of the nicer boys I once considered my friends, sipping from the cups that I was handed by Orla at an alarming rate. I lingered on the outskirts of other people’s conversations and watched old classmates play drinking games I always hated, and just as I finally allowed myself to relax, Molly sidled up to me.

“Ryan,” she greeted. “Surprised to see you here.”

“It’s Orla’s birthday. Could hardly skip it, could I?”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it past you.” Her eyes flickered over me. “Fashion sense clearly hasn’t improved, has it?”