“I just need to know that you’re mine,” she blurted. “And I’m not gay. Does that even matter? I just can’t stomach the thought of anyone else with you, I really can’t. I know what I said last week, about forgetting it happened—but I can’t forget it. And I just—I know it won’t last forever, I know that. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Like, a lot. And I’d just like to be together. Properly together. I think it’s easiest, really, if we just see it as an extension of our friendship. We’re not dating in the normal way. We’re just friends, and we’re fucking. And not seeing anybody else. Because we’re unbelievably good at it, and it’s fun, and why the hell not? It’s not like properly being together, although it is, just that no one else can know but—”

“Connie, you’re rambling.” I tried to smile at her and shook my head fondly. “But what do you mean about no one else knowing?”

She stiffened up and looked away. “Nobody can ever find out. That’s my only condition for this. If anyone so much as catches wind of it we have to stop. So obviously, this is only in private. Nobody can know we’re together.”

“Won’t people wonder? Our friends aren’t as stupid as we think they are. They’ll wonder why you’ve stopped getting with people.”

She waved a dismissive hand. “I’ll figure something out.”

I clicked my tongue and squinted at her. It was strange to see Connie like that. She usually did so well in keeping her emotions concealed away. Anything real, anything that you could pinpoint as a discernible aspect of Connie, rarely slipped out. “You know—this sounds an awful lot like dating, O’Reilly. Much as you don’t want to label it like that. Just in private.”

She pursed her lips at that before shrugging. “Look, it’s just easier if we…if we act like it’s a game. Isn’t it? It is for me.”

I know that it should have hurt me to hear her say that, and yet it didn’t. On some level I was starting to understand things about Connie I hadn’t been privy to before; namely, the web of insecurity that ensnared her. It would be so much easier for her to pretend in her head that this was nothing but a game rather than face up to the fact that she wanted to be with me.

“Well, if that’s what you want.”

“You don’t sound so sure. Do you…not want this?”

“Of course I want this. Connie…you know what I want. I’ve never even needed to say it. You know I want…Well, I want you. In whatever way I can have you.” I raised an eyebrow and smirk. “Was the sex really so good that you’ve decided on a complete life overhaul because of it?”

She glowered at me. “Don’t be such an egotistical git.”

“Well, you weren’t so bad either. For the record.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Can I ask what changed? I mean, why now?”