Contents (57)
- Prologue
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Acknowledgements
- About the Author
- Also by Sharon Gosling
‘You don’t need to worry about me.’
‘No,’ he agreed, as they separated. ‘I know that. But when has that made a difference to the naturally anxious mind?’
Rachel watched his face, noting the dark circles under his eyes. ‘How are the night terrors?’ she asked. ‘Any better?’
Toby looked away. ‘I’m not sure that they’re better, but they’re different. I don’t dream so much about war anymore.’
‘Oh?’ Rachel said. ‘Then what do you dream about?’
‘You, Rachel,’ he said quietly. ‘I dream about you, and the mess I made of what I think we could have had.’
They were quiet for a few minutes, listening to the sound of music and laughter echoing from inside the lighthouse to mix with the evensong of birds in the forest.
‘The Trust wants me to work on a biography of both Eveline MacDonald and the lighthouse,’ Rachel said then, into the hush. ‘Part of the material will be used for the permanent exhibition, but they also want a full-length non-fiction book, too. I told them that I’ve never written anything before, but that I knew the perfect person to ask to co-write it.’ She looked up at him. ‘Someone needs to tell Eveline’s story, Toby, and she deserves to have it told as well as possible. I can’t think of anyone better to work on it with me than you. What do you think? Will you help me?’
He looked at her with a look in his eye that pierced something in her heart. ‘Yes,’ he said simply. ‘Of course I will.’
They stood like that for a while. Then they completed the circuit of the lighthouse, with the last of the summer sun warm on their backs. When they got back to the open doors, Gilly was standing in the porch, as if waiting for them. She didn’t seem at all surprised to find them together.
‘There you both are!’ she said. ‘I thought you’d eloped or something. Come on – Ezra hired a karaoke machine, and you’re about to miss Ron singing. Edie’s threatening to stick forks in her ears but I think it’s going to be amazing!’
She disappeared back inside, leaving the door open. Amid the general hubbub, Rachel could hear Ron warming up, laughter that sounded like Ezra and a voice full of mock exasperation that sounded like Edie. There was a fresh movement in the doorway and Eustace appeared to sit on the step, staring at her with disgruntled eyes. Bukowski emerged to sit beside him.
Rachel looked up at the lighthouse, imagining Eveline and James MacDonald together in their room among the clouds. She wished she could have known them. She wished she could have told Eveline that there was a life down here on the ground, to be lived and loved if only one were open to risking oneself to it, whatever tragedies one’s life had previously contained.
I was here, and not here.
‘Hey,’ Toby said softly. ‘Where have you gone?’
Rachel looked up at him and smiled. ‘Nowhere,’ she said. ‘I’m right here.’