And yet I’d still never thought of pregnancy. My mind had been full of shame and betrayal; I’d thought that was the repercussion of sleeping with Tom. And now, looking at the tests, all brightly showing a distinct line or saying Positive or Pregnant, I didn’t know whether to give in to the absolute and utter joy of it or to end it immediately. But I knew that was not an option. No matter what happened, I wouldn’t do that.

After I’d hidden the tests at the back of my office drawer, I decided to work from home that day. Annie was out of the office visiting a new client for an initial consultation and though I longed to talk to her, I knew I shouldn’t. Her husband, Patrick, was great friends with Harry and it just wasn’t fair to bring them into this. Though I’d planned to do some work, I couldn’t focus and called my sister. Jane was the one I’d always turn to when I was stuck. Right from childhood we’d covered each other’s backs, in every possible way. I wanted to confide in her, to ask her what I should do.

I rang her mobile several times that morning, but she didn’t answer, so I sent her a message:

Jane, I need to talk to you. Call when you can x

A few minutes later she replied:

It’s my last day at Sheridan’s. I won’t get the chance to talk until later. Are you OK? x

I sighed. I’d forgotten that she was leaving work that day. I didn’t want to talk to her and be cut off in the middle, so I replied:

Yes, can you call when you’ve time to chat? x

Luckily I had tons to do that day as I was finishing a website before handing it over to Annie to test, but though I tried to distract myself, all I could think was, Who is the father of my child?

•   •   •

And then I had a breakthrough. In between bouts of work, I’d been trying to find out whether a DNA test could be done on a fetus. Just typing that into Google filled me with horror. Years ago, when I’d thought I might get pregnant, I’d had dreams of how I’d tell Harry. I’d thought of us buying a test together, gripping each other’s hand as we waited for the results. I hadn’t dreamed my baby might not be his. In one night, I’d ruined it. Both of us had ruined it.