I hadn’t looked at Instagram since. I hadn’t wanted to think about Emma, to see what I was up against. But that day, on my own at the hotel, I went through every single post she’d made on there. I looked at the photos she’d taken, the comments she made, the people she followed. I watched the clips she’d posted and made a mental note of all the movies and television programs she liked. She hadn’t posted anything for a few weeks, I noticed, and briefly wondered why, but then I scrolled through her history and saw she’d have a spurt of posts, then nothing for a while. Luckily there weren’t many photos of Harry on there; while I wanted to see him, I didn’t want to look at him through her eyes.

At home I’d made a point to not look at either Harry or Emma online. I knew Tom would be all over it if he’d noticed. And to be honest, I wanted to pretend she didn’t exist. I didn’t want to think of Harry at home, chatting to her, watching those movies with her. I felt sick at the thought of catching him out in a lie, where he told me he’d had an early night, only to see her post that they’d been out for a meal with friends. It’s a head-in-the-sand approach, I think, which you need to have if you’re having an affair with someone who’s married. You can’t let yourself think about the reality, that they are living a life separately from you, and that is not only their real life, it’s their choice. You don’t tend to find photos of married men in handcuffs or chained to walls in cellars with their wives standing guard over them. Or not on the sites I go to, anyway.

When evening came and darkness fell, I knew he wouldn’t be coming. I felt so hemmed in, in that hotel room. I had to get out, to get some air. And of course, though I told myself I was just going for a drive around, I knew where I was going. I went out to my car, where I’d hidden it away the night before. It was still packed full of bags and boxes. As I said, sometimes it’s best to avoid reality, so I angled my rearview mirror so that I couldn’t see any of my things, and set off.