I came back from work on Monday feeling a lot better. The end was in sight with that job. I no longer cared that the others sat about eating chocolates and putting work on my desk whenever I went to the restroom. They meant nothing to me, and anyway, I like to be busy. My house was up for sale. Soon I could move on. I was still worried that I was forgetting things and thought I’d make an appointment to see my doctor if it carried on. I must have had coffee on Saturday morning. It was something I did every single morning. I hated to miss it and felt out of sorts and tired before I had it. I wouldn’t have gone out shopping if I’d felt like that. Just that morning I’d found myself halfway through a slice of toast and could hardly remember making it. And there were times when I was living with Tom where I’d be stressed and unable to sleep until the early hours, then the next morning I’d find myself at work without remembering parts of the journey. Sometimes you do things on automatic pilot; that’s what I must have done with the coffee. It was normal when you were tired.

I went straight out for a run after work that evening. I took a different route, through a road parallel to the river. At the top of the hill that led down to the promenade I stopped for a second and steadied myself on an old stone wall. The smell of the river, salty and fresh, filled my lungs. I plugged my headphones in and scrolled through my phone’s playlist. Bob Marley’s “One Love” resounded in my ears as I ran down the hill toward the river. The sun was still bright, the sky a vivid blue.

My heart lifted. As my body warmed up and my breathing became more measured, I felt a spark of happiness. There’s something about running, when there’s enough wind to cool my face and when my arms and legs are in synchrony, that means I can let myself go completely and forget everything, just for a while.

I ran back to my flat feeling as though something had changed in me. I was ready to leave my past behind and move on. And that wasn’t a punishment, it wasn’t a penance; it was something I was looking forward to.