“Good.” I look at her like she is crazy, while she’s looking back at me like she has won the fight. “Now we begin here and start your climb back up. Because this pain you are feeling right now, we are going to use that to drive you so you don’t fall back to this unsettled place in your life again. Take off the pads and take a seat, let’s talk, and then I’m going to teach you a few self-defense lessons at the end of each session, because, girl, you can’t fight for shit.” Cherie starts pulling off her padding and takes a spot on the couch as I do the same with a small laugh, because she’s right. I was slapping like a teenage girl in a schoolyard fight. And if I was ever really in trouble, then that skill would be absolutely useless.

* * *

“Okay, so let me see if I’ve got this. You have had two men in your life that you love, your father and Forrest. One left you and the other you ran from because you didn’t want him to leave you as well.” She takes my hand and holds it, and I don’t recoil like I usually do.

“Keep going, it doesn’t hurt as much when you say the words.” I shrug as I wipe another stray tear from my cheek.

“Uh-uh. That’s not how this works. Let’s talk about your father first, tell me about him.” Cherie’s words start me off on talking about a man who I loved so deeply, and I’m starting to learn, I still do.

The more I talk the easier it gets, and I tell her everything, about growing up and then the shock of him leaving. Surprisingly also about my nightmares and what I remember from some of them, including what Forrest explained he has seen me do in the midst of a dream.

“So, you said you have hated your father for a very long time, but that has changed recently, why?” There is something about this woman that makes me just come straight out with the answer.

“Forrest. I hate to say this, but he is like you.”

Cherie gasps and places her hand over her heart in a joking manner, which makes me giggle.