‘I know.’

Sage looks hyper to me. Is she high? Now she’s talking loudly about Ben Galligan, who is her ex-boyfriend from about three years ago. He cheated on her while he was making Hour of Terror 5, and he dumped Sage at the premiere, and now his new girlfriend is pregnant. And Sage has never got over it.

It was all in People magazine and Luke says most of it is true. But then, annoyingly, when I asked him to tell me exactly which bits were true and which bits weren’t, he said I should stop reading that trash and remember that celebrities are human beings.

‘Is the rat here?’ Sage is looking wildly around. ‘Because I swear, I will tear his eyes out.’

‘Sage, we talked about this!’ says Aran in a low voice. ‘Tonight you’re an ambassador for world equality and justice, OK? You can be a pissed-off ex-girlfriend in your own time.’

Sage doesn’t seem to be listening. Her eyes are darting wildly about. ‘Suppose I throw a bottle of wine over him. Think of the exposure. It’ll go viral.’

‘That’s not the kind of viral we want. Sage, we have a strategy, remember?’

‘I really couldn’t tell you who else is in the running,’ I can hear Davina Kerrow saying to Luke. ‘Although you can probably guess …’

‘It’s Lois,’ says Sage, who has overheard this, too, and is scowling. ‘She’s up for Florence, I know she is. Can you see Lois as a nurse? A nurse? This is the girl who said, “You don’t get any acting awards for shaving off your hair,” remember?’

‘Not this again.’ Aran closes his eyes.

‘She could play a psycho-freak nurse. That would work. Or maybe a kleptomaniac nurse, right, Becky?’ she says, flashing me a wild grin.

I feel a thud of alarm at the word kleptomaniac. Sage is talking really loudly, and the place is crowded. Anyone could overhear.

‘Um, Sage.’ I move close to her and drop my voice right down. ‘I told you that about Lois in confidence.’

‘Sure, sure,’ says Sage. ‘I’m only having some fun, right? Right?’ She flashes me her smile again.

God, Sage is exhausting. She flips this way and that like an eel. I don’t know how Luke does business with her.

I turn to make sure that Suze and Tarkie are OK, and see that Tarkie is in conversation with Ken Kerrow. OK, this could be interesting.

‘We’re calling the movie Florence in Love,’ Ken Kerrow is saying animatedly. ‘Like Shakespeare in Love, only more authentic. We’re recasting Florence as an American but we’re keeping the essence of Florence. Her conflict. Her growth. Her sexual awakening. We think she would have dressed as a boy to get on to the battlefield. We think she would have been in a passionate love triangle. Think The Age of Innocence meets Saving Private Ryan meets Yentl.’

‘Right.’ Tarkie looks none the wiser. ‘Well, I’m afraid I haven’t seen any of those films, but I’m sure they’re jolly good.’