‘You look fantastic,’ I say honestly, as we stand in front of my mirror. She’s in a beaded shift, the colour of a glassy sea, and her necklace has a mermaid on it. I’ve never seen a mermaid necklace before, but now I’m desperate for one, too.

‘Well, so do you!’ says Suze at once.

‘Really?’ I pluck at my dress, which is Zac Posen and very flattering around the waist, though I say so myself. I’ve styled it with my Alexis Bittar necklace and my hair is in a really complicated up-do, all little plaits and waves. Plus, I’ve been practising how to stand on the red carpet. I found a guide on the internet, and printed it out for both of us. Legs crossed, elbow out, chin tucked in. I take up my pose, and Suze copies me.

‘I look like I’ve got a double chin,’ she says fretfully. ‘Are you sure this is right?’

‘Maybe we’re tucking our chins in too much.’

I lift my chin, and immediately look like a soldier. Suze, meanwhile, is doing a perfect Posh Spice pose. She has the expression and everything.

‘That’s it!’ I say excitedly. ‘Only, smile.’

‘I can’t stand like this and smile,’ says Suze, sounding strained. ‘I think you have to be double-jointed to get it right. Tarkie!’ she calls as he passes the open door. ‘Come and practise being photographed!’

Tarquin has looked shell-shocked ever since Suze appeared with extensions. Now he looks like a condemned man. Suze has forced him into a tailored Prada DJ, complete with narrow black tie and dapper shoes. I mean, he looks very good, for Tarkie. He’s tall and strapping, and his hair has been artfully mussed by Suze. He just looks so … different.

‘You should wear Prada all the time, Tarkie!’ I say, and he blanches.

‘Stand here,’ Suze is saying. ‘Now, when you have your picture taken, you need to tilt your face at an angle. And look kind of moody.’

‘Darling, I don’t think I’ll be in the photos,’ says Tarkie, backing away. ‘If it’s all right.’

‘You have to be! They photograph everyone.’ She glances uncertainly at me. ‘They do photograph everyone, don’t they?’

‘Of course they do,’ I say confidently. ‘We’re guests, aren’t we? So we’ll be photographed.’

I feel a fizz of excitement. I can’t wait! I’ve always wanted to be photographed on a red carpet in Hollywood. My phone bleeps with a text and I pull it out of my clutch bag.

‘The car’s here! Let’s go!’

‘What about Luke?’ says Tarquin, who is obviously desperate for some moral support.

‘We’re meeting him there.’ I spray a final cloud of scent over me and grin at Suze. ‘Ready for your close-up, Lady Cleath-Stuart?’

‘Don’t call me that!’ she says at once. ‘It makes me sound ancient!’

I head into the children’s bedroom, where our babysitter, Teri, is presiding over a massive game of Twister. Minnie doesn’t understand Twister, but she understands rolling around on the mat, getting in everyone’s way, so that’s what she’s doing.