A broad man pumps Tarkie’s hand with a meaty handshake. ‘Your Lordship. What a pleasure to welcome you to Los Angeles. If there is anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant …’

He continues talking for about five minutes, complimenting Tarkie, complimenting Suze, suggesting restaurants and offering to drive them out to the canyons for a hike.

‘Ahm, thank you.’ Tarkie gives him an embarrassed smile. ‘You’re very kind. I’m so sorry,’ he says to the table, as Alvie finally leaves. ‘What a fuss. Let’s get back to our dinner.’

But that’s just the beginning. An hour later, it seems as if every single person in the room has dropped by our table to introduce themselves to Tarkie. Several have pitched movies, several have invited him to screenings, several have tried to set up meetings, and one has suggested flying the whole family to his ranch in Texas. Tarkie is totally an LA player. I can’t quite believe it.

In fact, no one can believe it. Luke has been bursting into laughter a lot – especially when some studio executive asked Tarkie what was his view of the American Pie franchise and Tarkie said, Gosh, he wasn’t sure – was it similar to Starbucks? Meanwhile Tarkie himself looks rather shell-shocked again. I feel a bit sorry for him, actually. He came here to get away from everything, not to be besieged by people after his money.

I can understand why he spends so much time wandering around moors on his own. At least the deer don’t keep running up saying they’ve got a fabulous concept which they’d love to share with him over breakfast. Now, some guy in a shiny grey suit is asking Tarkie if he wants to visit a film set.

‘We’re shooting this great drama; it’s set on the high seas. Bring your kids, they’ll love it …’

‘You’re very kind.’ Tarkie is starting to sound robotic. ‘But I’m here for a holiday …’

‘I’ll come!’ Suze interrupts.

‘Terrific!’ The grey-suited guy smiles at her. ‘We’d be delighted to welcome you, give you the tour, you can watch some scenes being shot—’

‘Can I be an extra?’ Suze says boldly.

The grey-suited man stares at her, apparently baffled.

‘You want to—’

‘Be an extra in the film. And so does my friend Bex.’ She grabs my arm. ‘Don’t you?’

‘Yes! Definitely!’

I have always wanted to be an extra on a film! I beam delightedly at Suze and she grins back.

‘Your Ladyship.’ The grey-suited man seems totally perplexed. ‘You won’t be comfortable being an extra. The day is long, it’s tiring, the scenes are shot again and again … Why don’t you watch the scene, and then you can meet the cast, we’ll have lunch someplace nice …’

‘I want to be an extra,’ says Suze obstinately. ‘And so does Bex.’

‘But—’

‘We don’t want to watch it, we want to be in it.’

‘We want to be in it,’ I echo emphatically.