"You didn't lose those people because of you. Your parents, your grammy… they were unfortunate situations, but they're not your fault. You know that, right?"

My eyes drop to the ground and I let out a defeated sigh. I know I didn't personally cause their deaths, but they left my world in the blink of an eye because of a split-second change in events.

"Why would I risk tomorrow when I know what the outcome will be? We have a good thing going on right now. Why can’t it just stay that way?"

There's a flare in her eyes now. Natalie reminds me of James when he's confident he's about to win an argument.

Shit.

"Can I ask you something?" The tone in her voice seizes my heart. Hesitantly, I lift my gaze to her. "Do you want to marry him? Tell me the truth."

I don't have to think about her question—I already know my answer. The organ beating behind my ribs nearly breaks through them. Marry the love of my life? The thought of walking down the aisle to marry James is a rush unlike no other. It makes me giddy thinking of him as my husband, but that doesn't mean it should happen. No one gets to eat their cake without consequences.

"Of course, I want to marry him. I fucking love that man so much. I wanted to marry him yesterday, but you know what's stopping me now."

Natalie is beaming from ear to ear like a total fool. Admitting I love her dad isn't scary—she can see the proof herself when he and I look at each other. Telling her I want to marry him is a totally different emotion that chokes me up. Wrecking his heart is not on my list of things to do, and neither is losing a bestie.

Tears fill my eyes, and I swallow hard before telling her what’s been on my mind since the first time James brought up marriage.

"I'm scared, Nat." My heart rushes with anxiety and the knots in my stomach are cramping together. The truth is always hard to admit. "I'm afraid of loss. Everyone who's ever meant something to me has died."

I blink and stare, thinking about James dressed in a designer tux standing next to the officiant with Natalie across from him. I'd want our wedding to be small and intimate, so it's only about our love and the people who mean the most to us. My gut is saying to take the risk, but my heart is marked with blemishes that hold me back. His face flashes through my mind again, and this time not only do I see his devastation, I feel it.

"You know he's so madly in love with you he'd do anything to be with you, right?" She pauses, and for the first time since I’ve known her, she looks reluctant to continue. "I never saw him look at my mom the way he does you." She lowers her voice. "I always thought they were in love. They laughed, they smiled, they kissed, the usual affection every married couple and parents have for one another. But as I get older, I realize they didn't love each other in the same degree as you guys do. Not in the sense my dad loves you, that's for sure. The smiles are real, the kisses aren't forced, and the laughs are genuine. It's a bone-deep type of love." She squints her eyes as she thinks about her next set of words. "Isn't it funny how things work out? You think you know love until someone comes around and changes your entire perception of the word, making you reexamine every aspect of your life." She pauses, then continues more to herself than to me. "It takes you by surprise and makes you wonder why that is, what was lost or what was never there."