"Good, because I don't think I could live with it." He blinks a few times, still holding on to me. "If you see a future with me, does that future involve us getting married?"

My heart drops and I roll onto my back. I had a gut feeling this topic was coming soon. James has been much more lovey and hands-on and attentive, showing me exactly how he feels. I'd wondered what changed for him or if it was because he'd been considering marriage at some point. Now that I think about it, when James had opened up to me about his previous marriage to Nat’s mom, that was the extent of the marriage talk we’d had.

I'm a little nervous to tell him, though. I love James and don't want to upset him if we're on different pages. I know in my heart I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm connected to someone, or to vow my love for them. What James and I have is real, whether I'm legally his wife or not. To me, it's all the same. Most people think the point of a relationship is to get married, but it's not. Some people reach a deeper connection because of that paper, while others find it pointless to have that label when nothing is changing.

"I hope you know I only ever want to be with you. I just don't think we need a piece of paper to prove we're committed to each other."

As soon as the words leave my lips, I hold my breath.

Fuck. This is harder to talk about than whether or not I wanted kids, and talking about that terrified me. This is making my stomach twist into knots while I wait to hear his response. I don't want to lose him, but I'm not going to lie to him either. This is a conversation of truth.

I should've made sure we brought the cognac in before we came inside. Who knew James was going to get all serious with me right after giving me the best orgasm of my life?

My lips are flattened. My lungs ache from holding my breath. I'm worried I may have made a huge mistake, but I couldn't lie either and give him false hope. Not over something like this. He's asking about marriage, not which restaurant I want to dine at.

James is staring. He's thinking too deep and it’s making my stomach cramp from anxiety. I can see the wheels spinning in his mind, and I don't like it.

"You don't want to get married? Is that what you’re saying?"

My teeth dig into my bottom lip. "Yes," I say quietly. "I don't want to get married."

His brows deepen the longer he studies me. His eyes though… the crystal blue are sharper than broken glass. It cuts my heart in half seeing James hurt.

I feel this large shift between us opening up. James isn't happy, and his lack of response is spreading the gap wider. My heart thumps in my throat and my stomach is a rotating disaster the longer he stays quiet.