Other parents and kids are arriving now. Their faces are familiar; I have seen them hundreds of times at the school gates. I recognize Rachel and Martin and Sally. I make myself stand up straight and smile because I can see on their faces that they are surprised to see me here. But Molly invited everyone, I want to say to them. Everyone in the class, including Charlie.

I relax my shoulders, smile and wave. I’m realizing now that it’s really only me that has been making things difficult. I must come across as so stiff and awkward at the school gates, no wonder people tend to avoid me. I probably have some look on my face, embarrassed or preoccupied or fierce, and of course that’s going to put people off. They’ve simply all been taking their cues from me. I need to be sure to do things differently now. They need me to show them that I’m okay. And I do feel okay, I mean, I’m so much better now. And, for today at least, I will put Sarah out of my mind. I wave again, and Charlie gives a little jump at my side, pulling on my arm.

Martin smiles back at me and lifts his own hand in response. He has both of his sons in tow, one Charlie’s age and one a little younger. I smile down at them both as they come up. Rachel is holding her daughter Lara’s hand, and Sally has Erin. We make a happy little bunch.

And then the door to Molly’s house opens and we are ushered into the warmth inside.

Molly’s mum has gone all out. There are balloons everywhere. There must be a hundred at least, all different sizes and shapes. The colours seem so bright; it’s as if everything has a little shimmer to the edges, so vivid and pretty. As I balance myself against the wall to slip off my shoes, I almost expect to feel a little spark. Sally and Rachel are kissing Molly’s mum on the cheek, their voices fluttering around them. In another room a child screams with laughter, a waterfall of giggles. As I pull my ankle boot off, I notice there’s a ladder in my tights, starting at my big toe and running right along the side of my foot. I pull the material round so none of it shows. The rest of my outfit looks just fine: a smart skirt, a pretty blouse.