I gasp, like a child does when they’re crying sore and can’t get their breath.

‘No,’ I tell him. ‘I’m fine.’

Tears stream uncontrollably down my face. My mother is right. I work so hard for everything and then I ruin it. I just can’t stop myself. I ruin everything.

‘You’re not fine,’ he says to me. ‘You’re not fine at all. I can tell.’

Of course he can tell. The man knows me better sometimes than I know myself. He knows everything about me, except for this one big weight that I’ve carried around for so long. He knows everything about me except that I was once in love with a man who I couldn’t have and who I still don’t know I’m completely over yet, no matter how much I deny it to myself.

I take a deep breath. I avoid his eye. I need to get this over and done with, once and for all.

‘Look, there’s something I have to tell you,’ I say, my voice trembling. ‘I’ve lied to you and I need to come clean, but please don’t be angry with me, Jack. I should have told you earlier and I don’t know why I didn’t.’

Jack’s face falls and he leans his hand on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. He is ashen, he even looks older than he is and I am so afraid of breaking his heart. I’m so afraid of losing him. I don’t know where to start.

‘Charlotte, are you sick? If you’re sick, we’ll get you all the help we can and leave nothing to—’

‘No!’ I tell him, wishing now he would just be quiet and listen. It’s hard enough to know where to start without him guessing.

I need to start somewhere. I start with the song.

‘The song Tom Farley sang last night,’ I say to him.

‘What?’ He looks totally confused. ‘What song? The girl in Dublin?’

His eyes blink as it begins to ring clear. He actually looks relieved at first.

‘I know who he was singing it for,’ I say, not even knowing if I’m making sense. ‘But he didn’t even know I was there, I swear. Oh, this is going to sound so bad, Jack, but I wouldn’t even have gone to the concert, only Sophie said she had tickets. I shouldn’t have gone because now it looks like I was lying when I said I didn’t know he sang in Matthew’s band.’

Jack is sitting down now, a mixture of fear and utter confusion on his face. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t love Tom. Oh, I don’t even know myself any more.