She glances at me and shakes her head. ‘No, you can wait,’ she says. ‘I’m being rebellious. I’m never rebellious so I thought I’d take a drive out to see you and smoke a cigarette when I’m supposed to be working. And you don’t smoke any more either so don’t even think about it.’

We both sit looking out at the spectacular views ahead of us with only birdsong for company, when I let out a deep sigh that makes Sophie almost choke on her cigarette.

‘Do you think we’re having a mid-life crisis, Sophie?’ I ask her, in a very serious tone. ‘I mean, I feel like I’m cracking up a bit inside. Maybe I’m just bored. Can you crack up from boredom?’

Sophie lets out a noise that sounds a bit like ‘pfttt’.

‘I’m perfectly in control of my life,’ she tells me, blowing out a stream of smoke that tells me this isn’t her first taste of nicotine. ‘Plus, we’re too young to be having a mid-life crisis. You, however, really need to get your shit together and deal with what’s going on in your head, Char. Emily is worried about you, even your fair weather friend Kirsty is worried about you, and your mother is going round the bend. Tell me what’s going on with you, darling. You know you can tell me anything.’

I dig deep as I cradle my coffee mug but, no matter how much I try and search my mind for a deeper problem that might exist, I can’t find anything bigger than the actual truth, the trigger that started my low moods that have lasted all summer.

‘I just need to find my purpose again,’ I tell Sophie. She puts out her cigarette at last. ‘I just need to find out who I am and where I’m going because right now I can’t seem to find another teaching job, I can’t find it in me to write songs like I used to, I can’t do anything that makes me feel worthy. I just need to find my “reason to be” again.’

Sophie looks at me with great pity.

‘Just being yourself is a good enough “reason to be” if you’re not feeling up to much else,’ she tells me. ‘Sometimes we put ourselves under too much pressure to be this or be that. Sometimes we have to just “be”, to sit still and collect our thoughts. Don’t be so hard on yourself, please.’

I breathe out and lean back on my chair, wondering how much longer I can just sit still and think about things. That’s part of my problem. I’ve had way too much time to think.