Before I left, I tried to think of how to explain to him how I’ve been feeling but I couldn’t find the words. I knew on paper my worries weren’t even remotely comparable to what many were going through, but the truth was, I was going down and I knew it. The light in my life, no matter how things might look to the outside eye, was slowly being dimmed by a black curtain that was closing in my ever-darkening mind. I knew I’d love to give myself a kick, but I wasn’t so sure my resolution was as simple as that.

‘I do have days when everything feels like doom and gloom,’ I admitted to my brother who looked back at me tentatively after our handshake. ‘I won’t lie to you, I do.’

He nodded in return. If anyone knew how that felt, it was Matthew.

‘Because of what you could have been?’ he asked.

‘I don’t know, Matthew,’ I said honestly. ‘I don’t know if I can explain what’s going on in my head but some days I don’t feel like getting out of bed. Just some days.’

‘And that’s fine, Charlotte,’ he said, more concerned this time. ‘But it’s when every day feels like shit that we should be worried. Are you sure it’s just some days? Look, if every day is bad, you maybe need to talk to someone? It’s OK not to be OK. You know that already.’

I shook my head and plastered on my smile again.

There was no way Matthew was going to be left worrying about me on top of everything else he had going on in his life. He had bigger and better things to be focused on, like learning to walk again for a start, not to mention his own history of mental health problems.

‘No, I’m not like that every day at all, I promise,’ I told him, squeezing his hand. I lifted my keys but, before I headed for the car, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek. ‘I’m proud of you, you know that, Matthew? I’m so proud of you and everything you stand for. You’re my big brother and I love you. You’re making all of us so proud every day that you struggle and battle to get back on your feet again. And you will. I just know it.’

Matthew looked away, his eyes shining, and in my mind I got a glimpse of him in his navy apron that day three years ago in the corner shop, shying away from my attempt at a hug when I went there to tell him of my news about Tom Farley.