Austin’s words cut. I’d hurt Bell when she was at her most vulnerable, and even though I knew she was happy that I was back in her life, I also knew she didn’t trust it. Didn’t trust me. I let out a muttered curse. “But I am leaving. In a few months, I’ll be gone again. I just need us to be in a better place when I do. I don’t want to lose her when I leave. That means the only thing that this can be is friendship.” There was too much standing in our way to have more. I wasn’t even sure Bell wanted more, but the way I caught her looking at me sometimes told me there might be.

Austin was quiet for a moment. “Ford, wasn’t it you who once told me not to miss out on the best thing to ever happen to me? I fucked around for way too long with Carter, and I almost lost her. I can’t begin to imagine the shell of a man I’d be without her. I don’t want that for you.”

I swallowed hard. “I don’t either.” Bell had always made me a better person. She challenged me. Asked the hard questions, even when she was a little girl. Bell never let me get away with anything, and I loved that about her. It wasn’t easy with her, but it was real, and I’d had more than enough easy to last me a lifetime.

“It wouldn’t be easy,” Austin said as if reading my mind. “And I’m sure there are a million and one things that I don’t know about that will make it even harder.” He wasn’t wrong. Fuck. My family. Hers. The gossipy people of this damn island. Not to mention the ten-ton monster on both our backs: guilt. “Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Sometimes, the greater the difficulty, the sweeter the reward.”

I tipped my head back to stare at the sun peeking through gray clouds. “I can’t, A. It could ruin everything.” Most importantly, my shot at keeping Bell in my life in any real way.

“Just think about it.”

He didn’t have to tell me that, it was all that consumed my mind.

21

BELL

I let out a colorful slew of curses as the spray bottle full of cleaning solution tumbled to the floor.

Darlene bent to pick it up, eyeing me carefully as she handed it to me. “What’s with you this morning?”