My mind caught on that last point. But did we? She knew my favorite pizza toppings and that I always sat in the middle seat of the middle row in a movie theater, but did she know the stuff that lay below? I hadn’t shared with her how much I’d wanted to travel the globe. Had only hinted that I had doubted our plan of going to Seattle University and then moving back to the island to get married and start a family.

I’d loved Violet. But it was an innocent, naïve love. That didn’t make it less, it simply made it part of my journey—just not the fire that would consume my entire path.

“I’m so sorry, Vi.” My voice hitched as a tear escaped. “You deserved so much more. A life full of all your dreams coming true. God, I want that for you so badly. Even if I don’t think I was the man to give it to you.”

I leaned forward, pressing my palm to the smooth stone. “I’ll always love you. But I have to let this guilt go.” I would’ve given anything in that moment to hear Violet answer me, to hear her voice just one more time, telling me that everything was going to be okay. But all I got was the wind.

I sighed and leaned back, staring at the stone. “I hurt Bell. I hurt her, and I don’t know how to fix it. If you were here, you’d help me. We’d wear her down together, no matter how stubborn she was being.”

I plucked up a blade of grass and twisted it around my finger. “She’s amazing, you know that? She single-handedly kept the bar afloat, helps Caelyn with her brother and sisters, and she’s beautiful. God, Vi, she’s heart-stopping.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “You’d be so damn proud of her. I love watching her shine.” But it was more than that, words I couldn’t say out loud. Places I couldn’t allow myself to go, even in my head. There was this pull to Bell, low and steady but getting stronger every day. I didn’t know what to do with it. I kept trying to fight against it, but I was beginning to doubt I was strong enough.

The sound of a twig snapping had my head jerking around. My eyes scanned the trees that lined the graveyard. There was a flash of movement, and then nothing. It had to be a deer. Tourists had started feeding them, and now they were as brazen as could be. But a little flicker of unease slid over my skin just the same.

16

BELL