There was a longing in her voice, even though I was sitting right in front of her. The tone had my chest twisting, the guilt tying up my insides just a little tighter. “I’m sorry I stayed away for so long. I’ll come back more often now.” The words were out of my mouth before I could think about them. Anything to ease the pain my mom carried. I’d figure out a way to deal with it. To be the son she deserved.

“Oh, baby.” She sat down next to me, gripping my hand tightly. “I know this is hard for you. But I can’t say I’m not happy to have you home.”

I swallowed hard. “It is. But I don’t want to hurt you because I’m weak.”

“You are not weak.” My dad’s voice cracked through the room like a whip. “You went through a trauma, a loss. It’s understandable you wanted to avoid reminders of it. And all the damn small-town gossip.”

I winced. I knew that had been incredibly hard on my parents. And the Kiptons hadn’t made it any easier, refusing to let me or my parents see Bell in the hospital. Threatening a wrongful death suit if I contacted any of them. It had just been easier to stay in Seattle, to slip away into the night and never look back. But it was also cowardly, and it was what let those vines of self-hatred take root. And they dug their claws in deep.

I looked up at my mom. “How’s Bell doing?” The nickname still felt foreign on my tongue, but I was getting used to it.

“You didn’t ask her yourself?”

I set the cookie my mom had handed me on the side table, my stomach not ready for food—even one of my old favorites. “She wants to pretend we have no history. Said it’s best if we start from scratch.” Mom’s brow furrowed. “I get it, I really do. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to work with the person who was behind the wheel that night. I’m sure there’s at least a part of her that blames me.”

My mom’s eyes bored into mine, gentle but searching. “Ford, if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that Bell doesn’t blame you for what happened that night.”

“You didn’t see the pain in her eyes.”

Mom sighed, her eyes misting. “That girl has been through way too much. Losing her sister. Losing you. Recovering from her injuries. It was weeks before the Kiptons would let us even visit her. And Bell didn’t understand what was going on behind the scenes. Didn’t know what her parents were putting you through.”