‘He was a cocky little wanker sometimes.’ Ilias sniffed and jabbed a finger towards the picture, in case anyone wasn’t clear who he was talking about. ‘Still out of order, though. What happened to him.’ He picked up one of the candles and started walking back to his seat. When I stepped across and tried to take it off him, he got a bit stroppy and said, ‘I thought they were free,’ so I decided to let him keep it.

Donna came up next, a bit trembly. She said, ‘Kevin was really sweet and he never said anything nasty to me, so God bless him.’ She took the lighter that I’d set on the tray, lit a candle and went back to her seat.

Several others followed in quick and remarkably orderly succession.

‘I didn’t know him very well,’ Bob said.

‘Kevin was good at Scrabble.’ Graham nodded sadly. ‘Good at doing the rude words.’

L-Plate had written a poem, bless her, and read it very loudly, like a princess in a school play. Something about a seagull flying home that went on too long, then some other bit where ‘sadness’ rhymed with ‘madness’. A couple of the Informals came forward after that. While they were lighting their vanilla cupcake candles and saying nothing, I looked over to where Shaun was sitting with Femi at the back of the room. He hadn’t stopped weeping since he came in.

Then it was the Singer’s turn.

I’d been dreading madam’s contribution, of course, but even though nothing so far had told me anything I didn’t already know, she at least genuinely surprised me. She stood there staring at everyone for half a minute or more and there was genuine tension in that room, like she might rip all her clothes off, or just run screaming at someone. Instead, she took a deep breath and started to sing a half-decent version of that ‘Hallelujah’ song off X-Factor, and I swear it was nearly in tune. When she’d finished, almost everyone clapped, and it’s the only time I’ve ever seen Lauren look genuinely happy about anything that didn’t involve upsetting someone.

I almost forgot what I was doing this for.

Just when it looked like nobody else was going to do anything and I was getting ready to put the music back on, the nurses and the healthcare assistants started coming forward one at a time. They weren’t all in the room at one time, of course, a couple had to be manning the nurses’ station, but three or four of them took a turn.

Marcus lit a candle, then George and Malaika.