I gave him a little wave and turned to go. In the background I could hear Tyler yelling at Hunter for eating the last Oreo. And then I heard Archie telling them to cut it out. All normalcy had not been lost for them. They were coping with their grief because they had each other to pull themselves through each day. But they still bickered, which in an odd way was a good sign.

As I climbed the front steps my legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds apiece. I realized then that I was exhausted. Of course, there was another package from UPS sitting on the rocking chair on the porch. I went inside, dropped my bag and the package on the dining room table, and took the groceries to the kitchen. I stood at the sink while I absentmindedly filled the kettle with water. Hot tea seemed like a good idea. Hot tea with honey. I wondered then if I should try to find our father and tell him about Momma. But in my guts, I knew he wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t.

Dad wasn’t consciously cruel, but he was cruel nonetheless. He’d remarried and brought three more children into the world. He’d resurfaced long enough to get Leslie up the aisle six years ago. He sure did object wildly and loudly to contributing to Leslie’s wedding bills. Eventually he gave in but complained the whole time that Momma should’ve been saving for Leslie’s wedding expenses from the alimony and child support he’d given her all these years, as though he’d given her millions. I wondered then, if I ever married, would he assume he was doing the same for me? Probably not, if it entailed any financial responsibility. I wondered if his new children ever had to eat cereal for supper, as we had, or if they wore hand-me-downs, or if their mother cut their hair. Probably not.

I had long considered myself to be fatherless due to lack of paternal interest. The more I thought about him, the more upset I became. If I ever did find someone to marry, I sure wouldn’t let that jerk overshadow my day as he had Leslie’s. I’d never forget the gossiping at her wedding. All those old biddies down at Stella Maris saying things like, Oh, isn’t he so good to come back to do this? I always said he was a good man. Well, you know, it was never easy for him living with her. Who could blame him for walking away from her?