I relayed the story to him as I knew it. There was no point in sugarcoating the news. In one way, I felt absolutely terrible about my mother’s possible illness, and in another way, the news of it and the retelling of it was strangely freeing. Naturally, there was a part of me, that young Catholic girl, that knew I should be ashamed of my black soul that delighted in any part of it. But I wasn’t ashamed one bit. I felt like this might be cosmic retribution for her thinking it was all right to steal my independence while she indulged herself in every way imaginable.

“Well, I’m terribly sorry to hear the news. Please tell your mother I asked about her and that we’ll be thinking about her. And you know, Holly, if there’s anything I can do, or my boys, please tell us. You’ve been so great to us since, well, Carin, well, you know.”

He still couldn’t even bring himself to say what had happened and it had been months and months. He really loved her.

“I know. It was so terrible. But I think we’re meant to help each other when life gets too difficult, don’t you?”

“If we’re able to, yes. It’s one of the beautiful things about humanity. We actually can lift each other up. Ease someone’s burden. And it’s just, well, it’s just nice to help others. There’s a special joy to be found in service. You know, being useful. Like your hives.”

“Yes. Yes, there is something very special about helping each other. Ask my bees. Your boys know that, too, which is sort of amazing, given their ages and all that.”

“Thank you. I think they’ve learned a lot about empathy from you, too, and I’m very grateful. They’re good boys.”

“They are wonderful boys,” I said. “Well, now I have to go and call my sister and drop this lovely bomb on her.”

“That won’t be easy,” he said.

I could see him then questioning whether I had the diplomatic finesse to deliver this kind of news in the right way. I looked at him as if to say, If you knew all the bullshit I’ve had to endure every day of my life, you’d never have a moment’s doubt about my capacity to deal with bad news.

“I’ll be all right,” I said. “And Momma’s not even symptomatic of anything yet. But tumors are not a good thing.”