“They have another cocktail that’s really famous,” Suzanne said. “It’s called the Love Potion.”

“Is Suzanne gay?” I whispered to Charlene. “Because he’s acting very straight.”

“Suzanne? Oh, no! He’s totally straight. He’s just a female impersonator, like me. He always wanted to be the next Dame Edna. But then, who doesn’t?”

More than a few people, I thought.

“Yeah, well,” I said, certain then that I had seen it all, “the next Dame Edna is kissing on your mother-in-law!”

And the QB was loving it. There was no one I could tell who would believe it.

Chapter 25: Gone Boys

“Okay, so here’s a really fun bee fact. Honey is nectar that has been chewed and regurgitated over and over!” I said.

“Ewwwww! Bee barf!” Hunter said.

“That’s right,” I said.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Gone Boys

Little boys are fragile creatures. In our society we rear them to rise above emotional outbursts, to be the stronger sex, to bravely go to war, even though women make up about 20 percent of our armed forces now. But inside their hearts, all small humans are the same—tender and sweet and in need of just as much guidance in forming values and learning manners, and for someone to shape their ambition, hear what’s on their heart, and do something about it. They are just trying to navigate their way into the world, and it’s impossible to do it alone and do it well. Children need advocates.

The terrible truth of Tyler and Hunter’s new reality was that they had no advocate. Sharon, in a short span of time, had moved into their lives and manipulated everyone in such a way that any disagreement about the slightest thing was deemed a betrayal and punished.

There was too much sadness in them, and Archie refused to see it. And with every passing day those boys came to me, I could see their zest for life diminishing. I would try to cheer them, but eventually I realized it was to no avail. They could not be cheered. They had all but stopped complaining about Sharon because they said they knew nothing was going to change.

They were at my house while Sharon and Archie went shopping for a new mattress. Had they already worn out the one they had?

“I’m just trying to get through the summer. Someday, I’ll never have to see her again,” Tyler said.

“I can’t even look at her,” Hunter said.

“Have you had a boys’ night out with your dad?”

“We were supposed to, but then she found some reason why he couldn’t go,” Tyler said.

“Oh, who cares?” Hunter said. “He’d rather be with her anyway.”

“You know, boys,” I said, “it’s not unusual for newlyweds to want to be alone a lot of the time.”

“That’s not the problem. The problem is there’s no room for us,” Tyler said.