“All right,” she told Denny. “Tell Abby hi for me, and have fun.” Hearing Kiera mention Denny’s girlfriend made me feel even better. They’d both moved on…so this wasn’t a big deal. But then Kiera minutely turned away from me and said, “Hey, thank you so much for remembering, Denny. That means a lot to me.” Ice chilled my veins, and it was hard to remain focused on the coffee. Her voice lowering even more, she killed me by adding, “I’m so sorry, Denny, about everything.” She softly exhaled, then said, “Bye,” and hung up the phone.

She twisted back around to me, but I still couldn’t look at her and kept my eyes glued to the coffeepot. Coffee. Nothing exists but coffee. But…was that regret in her voice? Regret that he left, that he’d ended things and fled? Regret for losing the first love of her life? Does a part of her wish she was still with him?

When I felt like I couldn’t ignore her anymore, I slowly turned to look at her. Sympathy and concern were all over her face. It conflicted me even more. Was she truly happy with me? Or did she still long for him? A lifetime of feeling unwanted made it so easy to slip back into feeling that way. Somewhere, buried deep, I knew I shouldn’t feel uncertain about Kiera being with me—not anymore—we’d had multiple conversations about this. But still, one emotional phone call with her ex brought it all rushing back. The doubt. The pain. The rejection. Am I who she really wants?

Stop. Just let it go.

Brushing a strand of hair off my forehead, she gave me an encouraging smile. “Hey, you okay?”

Not wanting to rehash our past and my fears, I slapped on a carefree smile. A completely fake carefree smile. “Of course, I’m fine. Denny called to wish you luck. That was nice of him.” I was pretty proud of myself for saying that in a calm, friendly voice. There was nothing in that sentence that should have given away the fact that I was a whirlwind of emotion, but regardless, Kiera knew.

Letting out a sad sigh, she laced her arms around my neck and said, “You know that doesn’t mean anything, right? You know that I love you, and Denny is nothing more than a friend now, don’t you?” She searched my eyes, and my smile failed, dropping as quickly as my mood. “Don’t you?” she repeated.

Yes, I did know she loved me, and I did know Denny was just a friend. Deep in my heart, I knew that. But the affection that remained between them, the history they shared, good and bad, the past that would never truly go away…it burned; the pain felt fresh again.

And I couldn’t help but think…they were friends because he had made that choice.